Ask A Korean! News: Pandas in Super Bowl Ad? Sound the Racism Alert!

Apparently after the Super Bowl, some people are up in arms about one particular commercial:




Here is the Korean's reaction to those people: Get the fuck over yourselves.

Making a fuss over this ad takes the focus away from the real issue of the ad: It sucks. It's dumb. It shows not a shred of originality that people have come to expect from a Super Bowl ad. Talking about the ad gives it a longer life than the 30 seconds it deserves.

Pandas are from China. There is no dispute about this. So why is it so weird to have Panda speaking Chinese accent? And if a cartoon Panda speaks in Chinese accent, why must we demand it to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences? No one whines when a leprechaun sings the grammatically incorrect sentence of "Catch me Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" in a decidedly un-masculine high pitch Irish accent. (The Korean has no way of truly knowing how good that Irish accent is, but he suspects that it is not much better than the pandas's Chinese accent.)

In fact, this little episode reveals more about Asian Americans themselves than the supposed racism in America. The Korean cannot help but notice that this type of episode tends to happen whenever there is a cartoon description of Asians on television or print media. (e.g. the Pat Oliphant cartoon incident a few years back.) The complaint is always the same too: the image invokes racially stereotypical caricatures. "How dare you depict my people with small eyes and yellow skins," they would say indignantly, "when I myself as well as many other Asians I know don't look anything like that caricature?"

News flash: No one looks like a caricature! How are cartoonists supposed to depict Asians when they need to depict Asians? Asians, as a race, have a distinctive look. We generally have yellow skin, small eyes, and small nose. We are on average shorter. Of course individually Asians all look different, and the Korean pointed it out repeatedly. But cartoonists are not portrait artists -- they are SUPPOSED to pick defining physical characteristics of a person to draw a representation of that person.

If Asians as a race share certain defining physical characteristics, how can a cartoonist NOT use such characteristics to depict Asians? George W. Bush cannot complain that cartonnists repeatedly make his ears appear big and jutted forward. The president's ears are a little large, and the cartoonists exaggerate that feature to make the pictoral representation recognizable. But just because a cartoonist depicts and exaggerates a physical feature that is common to a race, he instantly becomes a racist?

The fact that some Asian Americans get worked up over such portrayals of themselves means a very significant thing for Asian Americans: some Asian Americans DON'T LIKE THEIR OWN LOOKS. Why are they outraged at small-eyed cartoon characters when they themselves have small eyes? Why are they outraged at accented cartoon characters when many Asian Americans (especially their first-generation immigrant parents) speak with an accent?

The answer should be simple: they don't want to be seen as having small eyes and Asian accents. They are embarrassed of their own Asian characteristics, so they are outraged when someone points them out. It's the same affliction that drives Asian Americans into invisibility. They would rather blend in; they would rather be white, or black. Anything but Asian. They would rather not be different.

But not this Asian. The Korean, for one, is proud of his yellow skin, proud of his small, squinty eyes, and proud of his parents' accented, broken English that they built up from no English skill. Asian American live in a country in which the color of your skin matters the least in your success; a country where accented English speakers like Henry Kissinger and Arnold Schwartznegger have achieved dazzling success. Difference is nothing to be embarrassed about -- not in America.

So Asians, please just leave the stupid panda alone. There are plenty of issues that deserve your outrage other than a failed commercial.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Korean Funeral Tradition

Dear Korean,

I just found out that my boss's mother has died in Korea. I've heard that it's customary to give money to the person who has lost a loved one, but I've known my boss for 2 years and it just seems insensitive to me if all I did was give him some money. Why do Koreans do that? Is there something else that I can do that is more personal?

Little White Girl

Dear Little White Girl,

It may seem insensitive, but Koreans are practical folks. Sad fact of life, or the end thereof, is that funerals cost money. The nice thing to do would be to help out with the costs. Of course, nothing stops people from doing things more personal, like writing cards or helping the funeral preparation. But as far as Korean folks are concerned, money in a white envelope that says 謹弔 is enough. (The Chinese characters roughly mean “I am sorry for your loss.”)

A side effect of the custom of giving money (the money itself is called bujo) is that the family of the deceased should only give the official notice of the funeral (called bugo) to those close to the deceased and the family. Because those who received the notice is expected to attend the funeral and give money, it is bad manners to give the notice to mere acquaintances.

Some more about what Korean funerals look like. Korean funerals traditionally had a very long and elaborate procedure, but modern Korean funerals are simplified, and often adjusted for religious beliefs, especially among Christians.

Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.

First son of the deceased assumes the role of sangju, basically the master of ceremonies. Traditionally the sangju would wear clothes and hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also supposed to wear the hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both sangju and the relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only sangju wears it. (Picture came from a Korean funeral house, which advertises that it rents the traditional garb.)

On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home. Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.

After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.

Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated box.

On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.

Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members' burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.

After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.

But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Super Bowl 2008

Super Bowl is once again here. As a person with sworn allegiance to all Los Angeles sports (except college sports -- according to the rules of sports fandom, the Korean must follow the college he attended,) the Korean demands to Commissioner Roger Goodell once again:

BRING AN NFL FRANCHISE TO LOS ANGELES!! An NFL franchise in Los Angeles would do a lot more good for spreading football to the world than 10,000 New England Patriots exhibition games in China. (The idea was canned in favor of an NFL game in London, but that muddy shitfest between Miami Dolphins and New York Giants did even less to spread football to the world.)

Ask A Korean! is a blog devoted to topics of culture and immigration, but as Will Leitch of Deadspin.com said, Super Bowl is for sports tourists. So Ask A Korean! will make its annual foray into making a Super Bowl pick.

Now, New England is a prohibitive favorite of this match. They are 18-0, the perfect record fitting a team for the ages, with the glamourous quarterback who made it his mission to create a race of beautiful people for the future. On the other hand, New Jersey Giants look overmatched. Its star TE is injured for the season (the Korean was actually at the Giants stadium when Shockey went down), and its miraculous streak of 8 wins in a row in away games has to end at some point. Plus, its QB's defining moment of youth is going antique shopping with his mom.

However, the highly scientific guide of the Korean begs to differ. The Korean actually dreamt last night that Giants won the Super Bowl. The Korean was not even thinking about football as he went to sleep; he has no particular allegiance to the Giants, despite the fact that he currently lives only 20 minutes away from Meadowlands. This has to be a sign. The dream prominently featured the scoreboard, and that shall be the Korean's pick.

Giants 27, Patriots 20.

Let the hate mails begin.

Last year's pick: Colts 24, Bears 21
Last year's result: Colts 29, Bears 17

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 8:24 a.m.- My goodness, what a game that was. The Korean loves it when he is right. Giants 17, Patriots 14.

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 11:43 a.m.- Best reaction belongs to the Korean Father, with whom the Korean had this exchange before the game:

KF: Did you know today was the Super Bowl?
TK: Yes, I'm at a party to watch it.
KF: I'm watching it now too. Where is NE? Nebraska?

All the more reason to bring an NFL franchise to Los Angeles.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Mmmm.... Donuts.....

Dear Korean,

I moved to the Dallas-Fort Worth area in 1990, and every little corner/strip mall donut store I've ever seen has been run by Koreans. I love them because they make the best donuts and pastries in the world, but what gives? My brother theorizes there is an unwritten law, like the one that all Chinese restaurant buffets must be a "Super Buffet", but I need an answer from an expert.

Dumb White Donut Lover

Dear Donut Lover,

It’s really easy to understand if you see it from the perspective of an immigrant. Korean immigrants are slightly different from the images of a typical immigrant. Very few Korean immigrants come to America with the idea of working as a manual laborer, as some Mexican immigrants would, for example. Korean immigrants generally have been well off in Korea, and they immigrate with a certain amount of capital, set to run a business.

But what business? They are now in a different country, and there is little chance of financially bouncing back if they blow their nest egg. In this situation, the safest thing to do is to do what other Koreans do. If one Korean person is successful in running a certain business, it is relatively easier for another Korean to gather information about how that person succeeded. (Compared to, say, getting information about a successful business from non-Koreans over the linguistic and cultural hurdle.)

The result of this imitation, over time, is that a particular sector of business tends to be dominated by Koreans. This phenomenon is not unique to Koreans. Ever wondered why so many South Asians drive a cab or tend a convenience store? It’s the same process.

Another interesting thing is which industry immigrants take over entirely depends on the city. Of course there are some nationwide phenomena, like Korean laundromats. But New York City, for example, has a ton of Korean delis and nail salons, but it is harder to see Korean delis and nail salons in other cities. Koreans tend to own many Baskin-Robbins around Seattle area; fruits and vegetables wholesalers around Washington D.C. area, etc. So it is not entirely surprising that Koreans took over donut stores in Dallas-Ft. Worth. It is a small, manageable business that requires only a little bit of skill.

Has anyone noticed any “Korean business cluster” in other U.S. cities? The Korean would be delighted to know.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Tofu Queen

On the other side of the continent, there is an LA Times article about the restauranteur who owns a chain of wildly successful tofu restaurants across Southern California. Soondubu (spicy tofu soup) is something that is decidedly missing in the East Coast Korean food, and the Korean cannot believe that it's taking this long for the dish to make across the continent.

One odd thing that the Korean noticed: the ajumma who owns the restaurant is 48, but her husband is 70! There has to be some crazy story behind it -- that type of arrangement is not common in Koreans that age. It appears that her husband was independently wealthy, and bankrolled much of the restaurant's operation. How the hell could the lady commute from Las Vegas to Los Angeles every day otherwise, relying only on one restaurant? That sort of puts a damper on the story of small business' success through hard work, doesn't it?

(One more aside: how much would you be willing to bet that the lady drives either a Benz or a Lexus?)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Korea in New York

New York Times has an article on how to enjoy Korean food and culture in New York. It's by and large helpful if you know nothing about Korean things in New York.

The Korean's own opinion is that no Korean food is worth eating in Manhattan. Generally, only young Koreans, either students or recent graduates, live on Manhattan. Therefore, the Korean food on Manhattan caters to that group. There is no Korean food that takes effort to make - only barbecues, hot soups, snacks, and things you eat while you drink alcohol. Most of them are laced with MSG because again, young people don't know enough to make out the difference.

Worse, some Korean restaurant take the guise of some chic fusion restaurant that lures dumb white people into paying $60 for a meal that should not cost more than $10. The Korean cannot possibly despise those restaurants (and their patrons) more. On the other hand, Flushing, N.Y. and Palisades Park, N.J. are more amenable to those who want to get something more authentic.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Spin That Pen, DJ Korean

Dear Korean,

A friend of mine, a former U.S. Marine, was stationed in Korea and he once asked me why all Korean guys are able to spin pens with their fingers. Unfortunately, I do not have this ability even though I’m Korean and wasn’t able to give him an answer. However, I did attempt to do the pen-spinning trick for him, but I nearly took out his eye.

Anyway, I have noticed that many of my Korean friends can do this and I’m wondering where it stems from. Is this a sign of our incredible finger dexterity (which I’m apparently lacking) or do we just get bored easily?

The Other Korean

Dear Other Korean,

How dare you rip off the Korean’s name? We will have to settle the superiority of our Koreanness at some point – it will probably involve a drinking competition.

There are several types of pen-spinning tricks that young Koreans do. (It’s not just guys, by the way.) The Korean himself can only do the simplest one, the 360-degree turn. Other more difficult ones include the 180-degree turn and the climber. (The pen is initially held between middle and ring fingers, and the pen flips up into its normal position between index and middle fingers. Double-climber is also possible, flipping up twice starting from ring and pinky fingers.)

A 360-degree turn is really primitive compared to the difficulty and the visual effect of a double climber, but the Korean was able to amaze a lot of Americans while he was mindlessly spinning his pen, thinking about something else. Then the Korean was surprised because Americans, no matter how they tried, couldn’t do the simplest spin.

Why is that? One possibility could be the famous “chopstick dexterity” theory. The theory was that because Asian Americans are trained to manipulate chopsticks since very young, they are good at precise digit controls. In fact, this is one of the theories of the 1980s that explained why Japan could make such amazingly precise electronics.

But this theory is just too hokey to be true. If that were true, what are the equivalent theories for precise German optics or precise Swiss watches? That good-quality beer actually helps hand-eye coordination?

No one knows for certain, but the Korean’s own theory is that pen-spinning is developed in the same way as chip-shuffling by poker players develop. On an average poker table at a casino, there would always be a select few who put on a show without playing any hands. They would get two or more stacks of chips and bring them up into a single tower, roll multiple chips from one hand to the other, and so on and so forth. How can they do it?

First, of course, they have digit dexterity (which one does not need to master chopsticks usage to have.) But more importantly, they are in a similar situation as young Koreans – namely, they have to sit at a table/desk for a very, very long time.

The Korean will devote a post to the life as a student in Korea, but for the purpose of this post it suffices to say that the student life in Korea is pretty miserable. Until very recently, Korean students went to school six days a week, including Saturdays. High school students still have classes on Saturday. Some high schools begin very early and finish extremely late. The school that the Korean went began at 7:30 a.m. and finished at 11 p.m. No joke. The school also averaged one suicide per year. In most cases, students of all levels attend private tutoring every day for hours.

(As a side note, this makes it pretty difficult for the Korean to listen to the whining of American high school students. Whatever effort that American high school students put in to get into a good college, on average, has nothing, absolutely nothing on what average Korean high school students do.)

All this means that Korean students spend an inordinate amount of time sitting in front of a desk, easily 10 hours a day at least. But human attention span has its limits, so there has to be different ways to entertain yourself. Some students doodle, some students pass notes, and some practice spinning a pen, the only thing that can legitimately be on the desk. (The Korean supposes there could be books on the desk as well, but spinning a book is too noticeable.)

By the way, as of 2008, the Korean has lived in America for more than 10 years. The Korean heard that the way schools are in Korea has undergone some drastic changes, but doesn’t have the full details yet. Any update would be more than welcome.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.