Best of the Worst 2012

Did the world end yet? No, it only feels like that whenever the Korean receives these stupid emails. Despite seeing the examples of dumb questions from 2008, 2009, 2010 (in Parts I, II, and III) and 2011, people simply do not learn.

So here is another edition of AAK!'s end of the year tradition -- the worst emails of the year 2012. As always, these are all real emails that the Korean really received. Other than redacting personal information, not a single thing about the email is changed or modified in any way.

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re:  your picture

Dear onyeka,

I saw your picture in the internet and decided to write you a mail, because you have so hot body and penis! Wow!

You should know that! 

XXX, Adriana

Adriana was attempting to reach the winner of the Best of the Worst 2009. The Korean always wondered if women were attracted by a dong shot. Now he does not wonder any more.

re: Request for info

Hullo ,
    I came across your helpful blog .
    I wonder whether you can help me get the email id of some of LG Korea's
top officials --  Koo Bon-Moo , Koo Bon-Joon , etc. I have some
complaints regarding service of my LG TV back here in India. The
problem is primarily  the non cooperative attitude of some of the
Indians working for LG here.
    LG Korea has a website , but Google Translate somehow does not work.

    Any help from your end is appreciated.

   Cheers ,
      Ramesh.

Gotta love the multiple levels of stupidity involved in this one. Don't like LG customer service in India? Why, of course you should email LG's top executives! How do you get the emails of LG's top executives? You should ask this random Korean guy on the Internet! He did tell you to ask, right?

(More after the jump)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

re:  I want like hansemboys,I am hansemboys,I want to porpose married to hansemboys gay original korean

I want like hansemboys(strenght,not fatty and not thinny),I am
hansemboys,I want to porpose married to hansemboys gay original
korean;contact code indonesia,phone number me=
[REDACTED](nickname=Jef)indonesia,Thank you hansemboys

The best part of this email was that this hansemboys included his picture. Too bad the Korean cannot bring himself to post it on the Internet.

re: Korean Men


Where do Korean men usually migrate to in the US? 

The same place where Korean women migrate to in the U.S. Moron.

re:  Jesus on marriage

Correct me if I'm wrong,however did Jesus say don't be unequal yoke?

The Korean is not a theologian or anything, but he does believe that Jesus did say that.

re:  Physical features

What physical features do you have in Korea?

You know, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two ears, the works.

re:  Anneyoseo!

YAAAAAAAAAA! I want a korean boyfriend whom I can chat with online only. I'll send him my facebook I.D. I'm from Pakistan. I'm 18 years old and doing B.S. (hons.) in Physics-nanotechnology. please find me a cute korean oppa only for online chat who must be good or fair in english because I can handle someone with quite poor english skills but plzzzzzz he must be a korean

Your email is titled 아니여서. Somehow that's very appropriate.

re:  (no subject)

Hi Korean,

I'm Claudia from Maputo, Mozambique, in Africa and I really love orientals guys especially koreans. I'm trying to find a korean here, but all i can see are chineses and thais. But I have faith that someday not far away I'll find my sexy korean boy, oh God you guys are so sexy, your eyes shows a mistery combined with something very very attractive and charming, I hope that God saved one for me... All I can do now is dream...

Stay health and sexy

Claudia, are you really in Pakistan?

re:  LG mobile customer service email and phone number please?

LG mobile customer service email and phone number please ?

Thnx

Seriously, what's LG's problem? LG people, please shape up. The Korean cannot afford to lose any more brain cells by headdesking for questions like this one.

re:  Dating

  Would a korean girl who is somewhat already into me take me more seriously as a love prospect f if I started

using a korean name on a permanent basis?

   Kampsa hamnida

   Thank You!

Sure. Make sure to go with popular Korean men's names, like 븅신.

re: Can 한국 attain salvation, Park TK?

Dearest The Korean,

My name is Eve, and I am the secretary of Jesus Z.Christ.  My master wanted me to inform you he was sorely disappointed (but y'know, not like some lame-o human expression of emotion, but, like,  in a more godly sense which is like, 10000000000000000 times more all-encompassing and let's face it - just cool beans) that he did not receive "The Worst E-mail of 2010" award and was merely listed among others.  The Lord is not used to receiving less than first place for, well, anything, and from whence came his desire to send you the following communication.  Naturally, He does not wish to send you this only to win an award, but to inform all of humanity of the massive misunderstanding that has occurred.   We have heard your blog has became increasingly popular since 2010, and this is why we have decided to use it as our platform.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at our Communications department, and we will attempt to respond promptly - aside from Sundays, Easter, Christmas, and Hallowe'en (in honor of the martyrs described below).

Yours sincerely,

Eve on behalf of Jesus Z.Christ

1 Salvation Boulevard

St.Peter's Gate, Heaven

11111

I'm afraid I must confess to you,  that yes, I am in fact a zombie.   My true religion is known to the few who tarry along the pathways of the universe

with the truth embroidered in their hearts as  "Zombienity." (TM)  Somehow,   the message got mighty phucked along the way. You must know

the story: a cross and some angry nerds entered the picture, and I became a martyr.  This is why I was able to give out free fish and bread that never stopped to poor people - because my followers were too busy eating brains.

“Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus Z.Christ ordered. So all of them-the men alone numbered five thousand-sat down on the grassy slopes. Then Jesus Z.Christ took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and passed them out to the people. Afterward He did the same with the fish. And they all ate until they were full. “Now gather the leftovers,” Jesus Z.Christ told his disciples, “so that nothing is wasted.” There were only five barley loaves to start with, but twelve baskets were filled with the pieces of bread the people did not eat!

See,  the people there were actually my zombie followers, so no phucking kidding!  Of course they didn't eat fish and bread!  That's like trying to feed a banana to a T-Rex. 

This incident was suddenly branded a miracle, and WHAMMO!  the past 2 000 years happened. 

I do fear I have been misunderstood. 

Yours in brotherhood,

Jesus Z.Christ

Avvon dbishmaiya, nithqaddash shimmukh.
Tihteh malchootukh. Nihweh çiwyanukh:
eichana d'bishmaiya: ap b'arah.
Haw lan lakhma d'soonqanan yoo-mana.
O'shwooq lan khobein:
eichana d'ap kh'nan shwiqqan l'khayaween.
Oo'la teellan l'nissyoona:
illa paççan min beesha.
Mid-til dedilukh hai malchoota
oo khaia oo tushbookhta
l'alam almein. Aameen.

Jesus Z. Christ is really disappointed that he did not win the worst email of 2010, so he is making another run two years later. Too bad, he is not winning this year either. There are just too many worthy competitors. Sorry, Zombie Christ.

re:  Korean Language

How many words are there in the Korean language? I can not find an answer on the Web.
Thank you. Lisa [REDACTED]

Korean language does not have enough words to describe how dumb you are, Lisa.

re:  slingbox pro HD

Hi

I'm from the United States, I have installed the slingbox, can provide US TV

I'm looking for south Korean TV, you are from South Korea? You have installed slingbox? So we can exchange

Thanks

The Korean lives in Washington D.C. Do you want Redskins games?

re:  wondering
I know this is probably not your normal question, but ...well ...here goes.

I have a number of Korean actors that I follow their work, and I have noticed that no matter what they are wearing,
There is never any sort of "bulge" in their pants. I am starting to think they are alleunuchs.

Is this because Korean men are very small, or is it because they hide it well. And is this some sort of Korean Culture thing?

My late husband was Korean, but he never hid his, so I never thought to ask. This is all part of my quest to learn more about
The Korean Culture for my son.
Please excuse the question, as I am sure it is considered rude to ask.

There is the Korean's greatest nightmare -- learning about penises from your mother.

re:  I have a question about Korean men  Dear korean, Okay, here it is. It`s been bothering me for a very long time. I just can`t stop myself from asking this( watching too many korean dramas brought me to this :D). Are there a korean men in real life like the men in the korean dramas? I always see so many romance in korean dramas that it came to my mind:"what if there are such men in Korea for real?"... :))  This confirms the Korean's long-standing theory:  Korean dramas kill your brain cells. Stop the global retardation, Korean drama makers! re:  I have questions I'm from South Asia and I'm 16 years old. I've dreamed about becoming Kpop. Unfortunately, I  know Korean language a little and my best, strong language is English since I grow up in Canada. :( How can any Asian people become Kpop? Do they must speak Korean? Please tell me how to take steps. I hope you can give me easy steps to fast become hot Kpop. ;) The Korean just realized that Kpop, read in Korean, sounds like 개밥 (dog food.) That made this email about becoming hot Kpop much more understandable. re:  Question Dear "The Korean", I recently stumbled upon your website/ blog. I am interested in getting married to a Korean man from Korea. Do they like American women? Do you think that a relationship between a Korean man from Korea and a white woman from America would work? I know I would probably end up learning Korean, but I do not mind doing that. Are Korean men nice towards their wives? Or do they have a history of beating them? If I get married to a Korean guy, I just want respect. I like interracial dating/ marriages and I am willing to move to Korea. Please let me know what you think about white women and Korean men getting married. Is it possible for them? I also read that Koreans are racist towards people with darker skin tones. What about someone who has a lighter skin tone, blond hair blue eyes? Thank you, Veronica Seriously, just imagine getting this type of email every. single. day. The world should just end already. re:  hello ok I dont understand it so I was thinking that you could help me... why do koreans say happy black ass birthday?! What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? "Happy black ass birthday?"??? How does that even translate into Korean?  re:  I hate being part evil Japanese. Should I kill myself? I hate being part evil Japanese. Should I commit suicide? A Korean American on yahoo answers recommended I kill myself! -Hugo L. Please don't kill yourself, and please don't ask dumb questions on Yahoo Answers or to me. re: Happy Thursday Korean! Dance/Pop Artist Mina Releases First US Album Hey there Korean! I’ve been checking out some of the recent artists you’ve been covering, such as Kim Gwang-Seok, and I think your readers would be interested in our dance/pop vixen, Mina. Dance/pop, singer/songwriter Mina Koo released her very first self-titled album, Mina, on iTunes in May debuting her lead single, “More Than A Crush”. On the album Mina showcases hot-under-the-collar lyrics and infectious synthesizers and drums with the occasional guitars and percussion. Each song on the eight track album reveals a different dynamic of Mina’s personality. Born in Korea, Mina spent time in Seoul where the soaked up the fumes of the exciting urban night life developing her love for the dance/pop scene. Mina is an explorer and her curiosity and worldliness has taken her to the UK, Turkey, China, Central Asia and Japan.  Los Angeles is Mina’s home base now. Mina Press Release: https://lafamos.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/72292/47f7a0e32344cccf Mina Press Kit: http://music.lafamos.com/mina Pswd: [REDACTED] For more information or to set up an interview please contact myself or Mina’s senior publicist Tiffany [REDACTED] at [REDACTED] I’ll look forward to hearing back from you soon. Thanks, Jennifer Here is a PR lesson for your Jennifer. The late, great Kim Gwang-seok sounds like this. Your dance/pop bitch, err vixen, sounds like this. On top of that, Kim Gwang-seok died in 1996, and is in no way a "recent artist." Do your homework before sending an email like this, or you will be hearing back from me in this form. re:  I want to ask Hello korean, sorry for the question but i am interested in Asian culture, in my job the people keeps bother me about asian penis size. I am Latin so in my culture that its a critical matter. I don't believe in the generalizations. I know it's difficult to speak about that but i'm looking for a cultural response at that myth. Sorry for my language mistakes my first language is the spanish. When it comes to penises, the Korean has the Bible-inspired approach:  I will not give any attention to any other penis than mine. If you are curious, just conduct a field observation of your own. re:  Market available locations Dear Korean Just Ask: I was wondering is there a market in the United States that sells dogs or dog meat for consumption for whatever or whomever? If so, where is the nearest locations in Wisconsin? Does your neighbor have a dog? That would be the nearest. re:  Do korean man affraid of an attractive woman? Hey Korean I’m Indonesian born Chinese, I had worked for Korean company 7 months, and i have met a Korean man, older than me, he’s 26 this year, and i’m 22. I called him oppa in our daily conversation (private), but still use Mr or –ssi, if we talked about work. I have a bit little crush with him, not because he’s Korean, but because his personality and characters. Err sometimes he’s so nice, but sometimes he’s too cool, and really2 cool I think. Just think, may be he’s so busy with his work, because I have known too about work culture in Korean people. recently, we are getting closer, talking about our personal life. I’m rather an attractive woman, so I show all of my interest about him. Last long holiday, he’s so sad because he can’t go back to Busan. So, I send some a homemade cookies and letter for courage him. He was very happy with that. And not long ago, he got a replacement to another city so suddenly (Thursday). He had no time to tell me that time (He said but not in my opinion). And I got mad, because we still had a little chat (Friday, Saturday) why he couldn’t say to me?. And I knew his replacement from his co-workers not from him directly. But I knew, that was hard time for him too about replacement, so I ended with questioning him about new places and new co-worker. He told me that he can’t endure about his work anymore, so he plan to resign that time. I just can courage him that time, but until now I don’t know if he still have that plan or not. Hoping it worked, and hear from his old co-worker, he will try, that make me bit relief . But now, he’s too cool in front of me, no replay, no chat and i have no more idea about this. He’s a conservative one =>his confession. And for information. So many his co-workers (Korean and Indonesian) that joking around about ‘we have some special relationship’ He never told me about this, but i know it from Indonesian co-worker that she’s my friends too. I don’t too obsess have a relationship with him, just want we will be good friend for each other. Does he not contact me because of afraid with me, or you think he has other reason?? Thanks The joke here is that the sender's email came with a profile picture, and the sender was NOT. ATTRACTIVE. AT ALL. Seriously, 4 out of 10 and that's being generous. Attractive Indonesian ladies, send the Korean some pictures. He refuses to believe that this woman represents the best Indonesia has to offer. re:  (no subject) Dear Korean, I've always been jealous of how clear a Korean's face is. It's TOTALLY acne free and it's just beautiful and so clear! I've heard that they use makeup, lighting, and Photoshop to cover most acne. But I want to actually ACHIEVE having clear skin like them. I've looked up natural ways to clear skin and I've used Proactive (which I still am). I would like to get rid of them fast but naturally and have no scarring left behind. You KNOW that Korean actors' clear skin on TV is from makeup and lighting, yet you ask me this question? And people wonder why the Korean despairs over America's educational system. re:  Hey there Hello mr. The korean ^^ I wanna ask about the medical colleges in korea if you may know anything .. right know i study medicine on my first year in jeddah saudi arabia and i can't stand it here .. so i wanna know all about what's better than the other and about the fees and financial stuff that i need to consider .. tried many websites non are useful.. wish you can help me :)  thank you in advance "You know what would be a great idea? Being a doctor. Is it hard to be a doctor? Is it hard to study to be a doctor in a language that you don't even speak yet?" #SERIOUSLYJUSTFUCKINGKILLMEALREADY re:  Yo! I'm sure being for boyfriend! I never know what to write here. How does one describe their ideal mate? It's easy to state what you want in the looks department but that's just the wrapping. It's what's under the wrapping that's the important thing. Don't you think? So I posted a photo so you know what I look like not let's see if you like what's under the wrapping.I have one son who is now in college so I am getting used to having lots of free time and a clean house. I just hate cooking for just myself. I am in the middle of writing my first book and writer's block happens more often than I thought it would. I am a big music fan, mostly 80's and classic rock, but will listen to most anything except dead metal & rap. I love old movies from the 40's & 50's, they just don't make movies like that anymore. I love to watch the old Bing Crosby, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Gene Tierney, or Vincent Price movie than most anything out today. I am also a big sci-fi/fantasy fan. Star Wars (the  originals), Doctor Who and anything with dragons in it has me glued to the screen. Now don't get me wrong, I don't spend all my time watching movies or sitting in the house. I also like walking down at Nantasket beach watching the waves or people watching. Outdoor concerts or Shakespeare on the Common in Boston are a great way to spend a warm summer evening. In the fall I make two trips to Carver, Ma for King Richard's Faire for opening day and the last day. I've even made a trip to Hebron, CT for their faire as well. So I suppose my ideal mate would have to like renaissance faires (among other things).I think my ideal partner would be someone who is honest, independant, understanding, and caring. Someone who shares my interests but has a life of their own. If you want to go to the pub and watch a red sox game with the guys go for it. Just as long as you bring me when the Patriots play. So if you like what you've read and you think we share some of the  same interests and are a SWM between 37 and 51 and at least 5'9" (I like to wear heels hence the height requirement)drop me a line. I look forward to hearing from you. I... I... I'm so confused. re:  BongCheonDongGuiShin Is the story of the Bong Cheon Dong ghost real? Did you seriously just ask if ghosts are real? re:  North korean special operations personnel The amount of dedication needed to endure such training must be extreme. If only all Americans.could stop worrying about if they get the next iphone and just do something to help the wellbeing and safety of  our country. I am not sateing that all american are like that. All I wish and dream of, is my fellow Patriot to have the safety that all people deserve, no matter what race. If the north korean army would attempt ro invade it would unite americans to focus on a single goal... I have no doubt conflict will arise. The only question I have is, how well equipped are the north korean assassins? (if you would respond ro this email I would greatly appreciate it.) "only the dead have seen the end of war." Plato Just wanted to showcase the typical thought process of a Red Dawn viewer. re:  Question Hi. I'm a non-asian 18 year old girl living in Australia. In this country there is a large population of people of asian descent, nearly moreso than white people. However the thing is that they all tend to congregate in their racial groups, i.e. all the Chinese people in an area hang out together and speak only Chinese and so on. This makes it very difficult for someone who is a non-Korean speaker to integrate and befriend the Korean groups. I mean, how are you meant to talk to them when they're in big intimidating groups, talking in a language you don't understand? I have a big soft spot for Korean boys and I'm not sure why. I've never been interested in white boys. Although I'm white I look asian more than anything else, and I have a great general knowledge of most asian cultures and customs, so I'm not so much of a stranger to them I suppose. Because the Korean people all hang out in groups, it makes them very intimidating and hard to approach.. and even once they are approached they seem to lack interest in a white girl, as though I'm intruding on their group, like an outsider. I'm not an ugly girl. in fact I like to think I'm quite pretty and I'm not off-putting, so I don't understand their lack of acceptance. Is it just the fact that I'm not Korean? Or I've heard that sometimes Korean boys can think that they don't have a chance with a white girl? This is all speculation, I have no idea. I'm just wondering if you had any tips about that, and for getting more friendly with them, seeing as I'm much more comfortable with an asian/Korean group of friends than a white group of friends. I know breaking the language barrier and learning simple Korean would be a start, but I was hoping for other tips too. Thanks, Ruby Seriously, this email is like every single meme in Korea-related Tumblr was rolled into one. "minorities are exclusive! K boys! I look Asian! I'm so pretty. Why don't they like me? Are they just intimidated?" --------------------------------------------------------- If you managed to read this far, the Korean salutes you. Take a deep breath to wash away the idiocy. Ok, are you now ready for the worst email of the year?  ::DRUMROLL::The Worst AAK! Email of the 2012!!!::DRUMROLL::  The worst email of 2012 is actually an email chain. Make sure to read the entire chain to appreciate the slow descent into the madness: From:  Elena B. To:  The Korean re:  what do Koreans hate the most? We have had many Korean couples move into our senior community recently.  None speak English, not even to say hi. Strange?  Most have anchor daughters who married US Military men and in turn brought their families to the USA.  Our residents have made attempts to invite them to our functions, but none attend. They gather in their own little group and chatter away in Korean.  It is my guess that are many actions, behaviors, mannerisms, that Koreans do not like.  I believe if we eliminated things they do not like then maybe they will become friendlier. Are there any things you may suggest that we do not do to offend them ? I know we cannot do things to make them like us,  since we have tried many actions. So, not behaving in ways to offend them may be the answer.  I am very familiar with the culture,  as I taught ESL at an all Korean school in California for many years to ages 5-50. Love the food. Dr. [REDACTED] From:  The Korean To:  Elena B. I don't think it's so much that they hate other people -- I would think that it is more the case that the elderly Koreans, like elderly anyone, are set in their ways and not interested in conversing in another language or learn another culture's mannerisms.  I would suggest keep trying being nice, and give them their space. From:  Elena B. To:  The Korean Everyone, except Native Americans, are from other countries.  Many are new to the US, yet they try very hard to assimilate into American culture.  These Koreans that have come via "anchor daughters" that married US military men, do not change and not even try.  You said space?  They take over the sitting/outdoor areas chattering loudly with their stinky kimchii breath. So, if they have chosen not to assimilate, do not like other cultures, and long for the "old" ways, why don't the just go back to Korea !!    From:  The Korean To:  Elena B. I sure hope the natives were nicer to your ancestors when they arrived in America than you are to your charges. From:  Elena B. To:  The Korean I am Paco Mission Espada/Lipan Apache. My family was here in 1500, according to church records.  We assimilated into European culture, so our lives would become easier. We still have our own languages, celebrations, and cultural behaviors; HOWEVER, we do enjoy all others that try and assimilate into American culture. The Koreans who have "anchor daughter" who married some pathetic GI do not even try to learn our language.  No decent Korean family would allow their daughter to marry some American, who does not have a good family and no job after military service. My students, all Koreans, go on arranged dates with others of similar background.  The Koreans with "anchor daughters" only want a free ride to the USA and to get out of poverty.  They are the bottom of the social ladder according to my students, all who are Korean business men. They have stated that they would NEVER allow their daughters to marry anyone who was NOT Korean nor from a good family. I am a Military officers wife and saw a great deal of these women from Korea, who had abusive husbands and stayed for the security and to bring their family to the USA.  Freeloaders! From:  The Korean To:  Elena B. With your level of hospitality, no surprise that they are not all that interested in being assimilated and becoming more like you. From:  Elena B. To:  The Korean ACTUALLY I WANTED TO ASK WHAT THEY HATED FOR OTHER PURPOSES NOT TO GET ALONG WITH THEM BETTER. THEY ARE VERY MUCH DISLIKED HERE DUE TO THEIR DREADFUL WAYS AND THE WAY THEY HOPPED ON THEIR "ANCHOR DAUGHTERS"  BACK TO GET FREE RENT, FOOD STAMPS, EVERYTHING THEY CAN GET FOR FREE: THEY HAVE ACQUIRED IT.  OUR COMPLEX FOR SENIORS IS EXTREMELY NICE AND COSTLY, BUT WE DO ALLOW A FEW SECTION 8 (FREE RENT} AND THEY MOVED IN WITH SECTION 8. GOT RID OF ONE SO FAR . SHE MOVED ON THE 1ST. YEA!  AND YOU WERE OF NO HELP. GUESS WE NEED JAPANESE FLAGS OUT ON OUR PORCHES AND INVITE OUR JAPANESE FRIENDS OVER OFTEN. AT LEAST THEY ASSIMILATE WELL.  THESE UNEDUCATED LOW CLASS KOREANS COULD NEVER BECOME LIKE ME, SINCE I HAVE NOT MOVED TO KOREA TO ACT HATEFUL AND NASTY AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FREEBIES (IF ANY) FROM THE KOREAN GOVERNMENT.  I AM A RETIRED UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR, WHO TEACHES AT AN ALL KOREAN BUSINESS SCHOOL AT TIMES. I MADE MY OWN WAY NOT ON MY CHILDRENS' BACKS. THEY CAN  NEVER, NEVER, EVER BE LIKE ME BECAUSE  I AM HIGHLY EDUCATED, SPEAK KOREAN, AS WELL AS SIX OTHER LANGUAGES. THESE KOREANS ARE NOTHING BUT FREELOADERS. Well, holy crap. The Korean sure hopes that no one here has his/her parents locked up with this crazy woman. When this email exchange happened in August, the Korean knew that this would be hands-down the worst email of the year. Congratulations, Elena B. from California -- you won AAK!'s worst email of the year 2012. Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Please, please think about it one more time before you email away at askakorean@gmail.com.