Random Lessons that the Korean Learned during His Vacation that No One Should Ever Take Seriously

- Spanish people are really freakin' racist. Seriously.
- Customer service is a lost art in Austria.
- Hungary is shockingly similar to Korea.
- Never buy anything at train stations in Europe, except train tickets. Especially things that do not have their price listed, and when you are in a hurry to get some change.
- The beauty of Budapest is incredibly underrated.
- Prague remains the Korean's favorite city in Europe.
- Europeans really need to stop with the staring.
- The Korean's next vacation destination will be Japan, just to make sure he doesn't have to deal with the fucking "gonichiwa"s.

Vacation was great. It is good to be back to the land of the free.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Korean will be on vacation until September. Everyone, behave. Don't think the Korean isn't watching while he is away.

As always, thank you for reading!

Korean Development Bank is considering buying Lehman Brothers. Could anyone have imagined something like this 50, 40, or even 30 years ago?

Discussion Topic: Racism

The Korean was intrigued by the discussion in the comments following the posts about the Spanish basketball team’s photo. (Related posts here here and here.) This looks like high time for another Discussion Topic post, since the last one about authenticity went so well. Again, the Korean will throw out a discussion question and state his position. Readers, you are all invited to participate. However, bear in mind that the discussion will be actively quality-controlled. Serious, civilized discussion only, please.

Let’s have this picture at the top, since this is what started everything:

The Korean’s question is this: Does the word “racism” include racially insensitive actions/remarks which is not motivated by racial hatred, such as the one done by the Spanish national basketball team here?

It is clear that the Spanish basketball players did not intend any harm through this photo. (See some quotes from Jose Calderon, the starting point guard for the team, here.) In fact, for all we know, it was done out of affection for the Chinese. Nonetheless, many people, including the Korean himself, were offended. Is this action racist?

This question is separate from the issue of whether the Spanish national team has to apologize for the picture or not. Since there are a large number of people who are offended by this, it might be wise for the team to apologize. (Good write-up on this point here.) But if they truly think they did nothing wrong, then maybe they have nothing to apologize for. Regardless, that is not the question that the Korean is interested in – the Korean wishes to tackle the question on a more conceptual level rather than a more practical level.

Reasonable people may disagree on this issue. The Korean will give his best rendition of the opposing argument, then put out his own.

“Not Racist” Argument

First, there needs to be an abundance of caution in throwing the word “racism” or “racist” to someone, because of the explosive connotation that the word carries. Especially in America, being labeled as a racist leads to a social suicide. (Example in this post, towards the bottom.)

Such social death may be appropriate for white supremacists or KKK members, but not necessarily for, say, Fisher DeBerry, the former football coach for Air Force Academy who said “Afro-American kids can run very, very well.” After all, that statement was made out of admiration for black athletes’ ability, not out of any ill will.

The question of motivation is very important in making a distinction between “racist” and “racially inclined”. The reason why racism is an evil that must be eliminated is because of the hostile motivation behind the racial discrimination. Our society has no place for a hateful attitude based on the color of a person’s skin. But if a race-related action or remark was made without any hostility, but with affection and admiration, where is the harm? Maybe people are too sensitive about these things, and are making a knee-jerk reaction?

Such reaction is understandable given the history of racial strife in America, and people who make racially insensitive actions or remarks may have to apologize because they can reasonably foresee that their deeds would generate hurt feelings. But that does not necessarily mean that those actions/remarks are, in fact, racist.

“Yes, Racist” Argument – the Korean’s Position

And now, the Korean’s position on this question.

The Korean’s belief is that the distinction between “racism” and “racial insensitivity” or “racially inclined actions/thoughts” is illusory. (One reader of this blog termed them as “active racism” and “passive racism”, if you prefer.) Instead, racially inclined actions or thoughts can escalate into racism at any moment given the right circumstances.

Previously, the Korean stated that America is the least racist country in the world because it is the country in which a large number of different colored people have lived next to one another for the longest. This is what the Korean wrote:

Why do numbers matter? Because unless the minorities are somewhat numerous, they are not threatening to the majority. Hating takes energy; people don’t hate for no reason. Widespread hatred in the majority toward the minority takes place only if the minority is somehow threatening the majority’s position.

So if you are an African-American tourist traveling through Korea for two weeks, you will find that Korean people are generally nice to you. Why wouldn’t they be? You will leave in two weeks! But trying living there and see how you like it. …

God help you if you were trying to date a Korean. Interracial relationship is a racist’s greatest fear, especially if it involves a minority-race man and majority-race woman. Ever wondered why Emmitt Till was so brutally lynched, just for whistling at a white woman? When a minority-race man dates a majority-race woman, other majority-race men feel their position threatened, because they feel that their possession is being taken. (It should not come as a surprise that racism goes hand-in-hand with sexism.)

…

On the other hand, Asians in America are not numerous enough to be threatening, so we have been spared from blatant racism so far. But whenever Asian Americans do appear to be threatening, the reaction is exactly the same – just look at what happened to Vincent Chin when Japanese automakers were threatening to American jobs.

In short, other than juvenile childhood situations (in which most minority people in the world are first exposed to the trauma of being racially classified,) racial hatred comes up in a situation in which the minority race is in a position to threaten the majority race. But the necessary ingredient for such a flare-up is a racially-inclined thought.

In this sense, one can no longer say that a racially-inclined thought or action is harmless. As long as people continue to see a person through the person’s race, it is only a matter of time before such attitude grows into a “true” racism, as it were. This is especially true in the modern world where every place in the world is getting more racially diverse. World economy is more integrated than ever, and no single country can afford to live in racial and cultural isolation. Immigration will be a greater and greater trend. People who are not accustomed to living with different types of people will soon find themselves sharing a subway car with a strange-looking person; their sense invaded by unfamiliar smell of exotic food; their streets covered in signs of incomprehensible languages; their jobs eliminated by those willing to work harder, cheaper.

In such a situation, a racially-framed paradigm is just the thing necessary to fire up the racist hatred. All that is necessary is for a demagogue to exhort: “Look at these “other-raced” people! They are different from you! They are incomprehensible, and they are looking to destroy everything we hold dear!”

This must be stopped, and the best way to stop it would be to force people to get out of racially-inclined thoughts. To that end, the explosive connotation of the word “racism” does not bother the Korean as much. So what if it is not as conceptually neat as the distinction between “racism” and “racially inclined behavior”? If the threat of social death would get people out of that paradigm, then that’s exactly what we need.

So there you have it readers – let it rip. The Korean will be looking forward to the discussion. Thank you all in advance.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

AAK - Adopt a Korean!

Dear Korean,

My husband and I are both Caucasian and in the process of adopting an infant from Korea. We live in an area that has a fairly high Korean population and are very close to a "Korea Town." While we know we cannot ourselves be examples of Korean culture for our future son or daughter, we hope to encourage exposure to what Korean culture that we do have in our community. As a Korean, how to you think Koreans in our community will react to our trans-cultural adoption? Is there anything we can do to prepare ourselves or appear as less of an oddity to Koreans in our area?

Mom-to-be-to-a-Korean

Dear MTBTAK,

Bless your heart for adopting a child. May only good things happen to your family. If advice from a single guy who has never has a child (that he knows of) counts for anything, the Korean thinks the critical point in raising a minority child, adopted or otherwise, is to make sure the child feels comfortable in her skin. Don’t let the child wish that she were something she is not. In this vein, your living around a lot of Koreans means a lot – it allows your child to see that she is not abnormal in some way because she looks different.

The Korean would also recommend for any prospective adoptive parents to read two things. First, Relative Choices, New York Times blog on adoption, for thoughtful discussions on this topic. Second, Transracial Abductees, for a picture of adoptions gone terribly wrong. Raising a child is difficult in and of itself; when it implicates race relations, well, the Korean can only wish you best of luck.

Korean people’s attitude towards adoption of Korean children is somewhat conflicted. On one hand, they deplore the fact that Korea at one point was the leading baby-exporting country in the world. There are over 100,000 adopted Koreans in the U.S., which makes them roughly 10 percent of Korean American population. (More statistics about international adoption is available here.) Korean people, by and large, feel ashamed that they are unable to take care of “their own”. As an outgrowth of this sentiment, there have been sporadic and mostly unsuccessful campaigns in Korea that urged people to adopt more, or prohibit international adoption in order to compel Korea to take care of its own children.

On the other hand, Koreans’ attitude toward Americans who adopt Korean children is largely positive. Korean American newspapers often run a prototypical story of an American couple who adopted a large number of Korean children, and such stories unfailingly speak in glowing terms of the American couple’s love for their children and Korean culture. (Here is an example -- the article is in Korean.) It appears that while Korean people are generally not happy that they are unable to take care of their own orphans, they are grateful for the people who in fact do.

So MTBTAK, the Korean thinks you do not have to worry about the way Korean people would react to you and your child. In fact, in most cases, the Korean would think that Koreans around you would appreciate the fact that you are letting your child preserve his/her heritage in some form. Again, bless your heart, and best of luck.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Okay, this is getting really old now.

Ask a Korean! News: Americans, Take out Your Passports, and Caress it Lovingly

This is old news, but the Korean has been too busy to really read the things that he usually does.

But when Mr. Ng, who had overstayed a visa years earlier, went to immigration headquarters in Manhattan last summer for his final interview for a green card, he was swept into immigration detention and shuttled through jails and detention centers in three New England states.

In April, Mr. Ng began complaining of excruciating back pain. By mid-July, he could no longer walk or stand. And last Wednesday, two days after his 34th birthday, he died in the custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement in a Rhode Island hospital, his spine fractured and his body riddled with cancer that had gone undiagnosed and untreated for months.

In 2001, a notice ordering him to appear in immigration court was mistakenly sent to a nonexistent address, records show. When Mr. Ng did not show up at the hearing, the judge ordered him deported. By then, however, he was getting married, and on a separate track, his wife petitioned Citizenship and Immigration Services for a green card for him — a process that took more than five years. Heeding bad legal advice, the couple showed up for his green card interview on July 19, 2007, only to find enforcement agents waiting to arrest Mr. Ng on the old deportation order.

The Korean has only this to say: Americans, be grateful. You are the luckiest people in the whole world. Don't complain when you are down on your luck. At least you won't be snatched away from your life and die in a jail cell because of a wrong address.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Happy Liberation Day for all Koreans out there.

The Korean might live to see the day when whites are no longer the majority in America. It should be interesting.

Ask a Korean! News: Linklets for Oriental-Loving Spaniards

Turns out it's not just Spanish basketball team taking racist pictures. Spanish tennis team took a similar picture this year as well. Europe is a messed up place.

Great write-up on TrueHoop on this whole thing.

Jason Kidd thinks if Team USA pulled a stunt like that, there would be suspensions handed out by the NBA. No shit Jason. Way to put your Berkeley education into practice.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Korea beat U.S. in baseball. Good thing that the Korean mostly does not care about baseball, or he might have had to choose the right allegiance or something.

Aside: Deadspin comments are always priceless. Choice comments:

This was an embarrassing effort - the US played with no heart and no Seoul.
that's it, michael phelps is starting pitcher tomorrow.
Fucking bullshit! I'm going outside to vandalize some Hyundais and Kias.
Looks like the U.S. dogged it on the field and the Koreans just ate us alive.
Wait, wait, wait: There's a SOUTH Korea?
Should've brought in Kevin Correia to pitch. Minds would've been blown.
"You dumb turd box. You never beat Benny! I'm Korean, fool. What do you got, baseball? I got Kimchi, bitch!"
A BONG pitched for the Koreans!!! The US team should have hit the BONG better.

Very interesting history of beer in Korea, via Korea Times.

New York Times describes the Korean's life from age 12 through 16.

The Korean always knew Beijing Olympics would be messed up to some degree, but this is really fucked up.

Ask a Korean! News: How about a Cheeseburger Instead?

Hilarious:

Gwangju North Police arrested Mr. Park (age 30), who boisterously protested that his hamburger did not contain ham, on the charge of disturbing business.

Mr. Park is suspected of causing a disturbance for 20~30 minutes at A hamburger chain restaurant, owned by Mr. Cho, in Gwangju Buk-gu on the 10th at 3 p.m. and 6 p.m., claiming that he purchased a hamburger which was made poorly because it lacked ham and sufficient lettuce.

Mr. Park claimed at the police station that he purchased a hamburger at Mr. Cho's restaurant at 1 p.m. and observed that it did not contain ham. Then he confirmed the mistake in the production by purchasing an identical product at the same chain restaurant nearby.

To this, Mr. Cho stated "I apologized because there is a possibility that there isn't enough lettuce and ham could be missing, but I had no choice but to call the police because Mr. Park was interfering with business by causing too much disturbance.

Original Dong-A Ilbo article here (in Korean.)

[The Korean's note - normal Korean journalistic practice is shown here, e.g. not revealing people's first name for petty crimes, indicating age, etc.]

To its credit, the Korean used to live near this deli in New York that put ham in a burger. And it was delicious. And there is a chance that this burger chain in Gwangju did have ham in its burger. Does anyone know?

But the Korean cannot resist....

햄버거에 햄이 들어가면,
칼국수에는 칼이 들어가고,
왕족발에는 왕이 들어가고,
붕어빵에는 붕어가 들어가고,
엄마손 만두에는 엄마손이 들어가겠네?

The Korean apologizes for the jokes in Korean, but this is something the Korean refuses to translate. It's just not funny in English.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Yo Mama So Fat.... Wait, the Other Way Around

[The Korean's note: Our new associate editor's first post!]

Dear Korean,

I am a Korean American woman, second generation. I don't mean to be stereotypical, or contribute a rude individual characteristic on a culture. But I have noticed something about 1st generation Korean women, especially ones that are a little older. They have no problem telling you or your children, that you/they are fat. Even if by "white American" standards, you or your children are not. This is especially true if you or your children are female. This is the behavior of many 1st Generation Korean women I've met, all a little older, at least 50 and up. My Korean drycleaner will look at my daughter and ask me, "Why is she so fat?" Then she'll look right at my daughter and directly ask, "Why are you so fat?" leading to tears of course. Same with the Korean waitress - ironically serving us Kalbee, as well as Korean churchgoers. You name it, they say it.

I find this strange because these same women grew up starving. They literally had no food growing up, so wouldn't being a little plump be a good thing? But clearly, they are not being complimentary, when they tell you "hey you, lose some weight!" and you barely even know who they are. In America, you might expect this name calling behavior from kids on the school play lot. But you would not expect it from a grown woman. Why is this?

Not Fat Fatty


Dear Not Fat Fatty,

First of all, Nuna would like to tell you something incredibly hurtful and offensive to you (and by calling myself Nuna, also give you honourary dangly bits):

YOU ARE FAT. FATTY MCFAT FAT. PHAAAAAAT. YO ASS IS SO HUGE IT HA' TWO POS'CODES, ONE FO' EACH CHEEK, AND YOUSE SEEN DA NILE RECENTLY OR SUMTHIN?

Nuna has obviously never seen you, met you in real life, and never knew of your kindheartedness, the fact that you graduated from an Ivy League university, or that your favourite pastime is volunteering at a local abandoned pet shelter.

So why does Nuna call you fat? It's because Nuna knows it rankles you. Heck, Nuna knows that if Nuna can't reach for any other insults, picking on the other person's appearance always does the trick. You're fat, your breath stinks, snaggletooth, monkey ears...Also, Nuna is going to tell you this: if you think insulting someone the first time you see them is something people left at the playground... pull the other one, it's got bells on.

Calling someone fat out of the blue is not just the work of Korean mothers. It is the work of all insecure individuals everywhere in the world.

When a person calls another person fat, what they are essentially doing is the human equivalent of beating their chests, ruffling their feathers, arching their back and hissing - showing animosity towards you to assert their rightful social rank of being higher than you, because they fell intimidated by you. In short, they're expecting you to act submissive, then run to the corner and cry. This is also why Korean mothers won't dare call a man they're fat - they're afraid of being pwned.

Which comes to the other point: why do they feel intimidated by a bit of meat on the bones and uh, not the impending asphyxiation of the world due to halitosis?

It's because Korean women, even this current generation, grew up in a country where photos are stuck on CVs, men won't get into the same elevator as a purportedly overweight woman, and clothing and shoe sizes are very restrictive. Nuna could never buy a bra in Korea because all the C cups were maternity bras. Being "fat" is simply unacceptable: to start off with, you would literally be unable to buy clothes that even looked mildly attractive. Most clothing lines only carry 1 "plus size" product, and you either take it or leave it.

[The Korean's note: Below is a picture of a fat Korean woman. Read this post for some context.]


You know how Miss USA always says "world peace" when asked for their aspirations? Miss Koreas used to say "현모양처" -lit. "Wise Mother, Submissive Wife". It is jokingly said that every caring Korean Mother "fixes up" her daughter's face when she finishes junior high (national minimum mandatory level of education, though most finish at least senior high), and that even parents don't recognise a daughter's face if she forgets to "put it on" in the morning.

Heck, Nuna remembers, aaaages ago in Dong-A Ilbo, an opinion columnist who wrote about the "obesity epidemic" that was hitting women (back in 1995, no less!) and recounted his story of a girl he thought was pleasantly chubby, but the deluded wench kept on stuffing her face thinking he'd love her no matter what her weight, and then pleaded with him to take her back saying she'd lose all her weight. His final words on the subject? That he felt that he was scammed, and although he felt sympathetic to the woman, there was no way he was going to forgive her if it happened again. Nuna wishes that particular asswipe fell victim to a Nigerian scam later on, just so he knows what being scammed feels like, the mysogynist smear of smegma he is.

For Korean women, their entire person is judged on how much they like bending over backwards and paddled in the bare ass by The Man. It's all about what kind of husband you get, what kind of men you will attract, what will men think of you.

And here you are, Ms Fatty McFat Fat, boldly barging in with her natural Rubenesque Fertility Goddess figure and no makeup to be seen, demanding that everyone view her as a Person (or possibly Womyn) to be judged on her political views (in a country where wives are often browbeaten - brow optional - to vote the same guy the husband votes), education level and socio-economic status (i.e. being able to buy all that USDA prime and drink all that milk to get those mighty C cups).

How DARE you spit in their faces and tell them all they have looked up to and worked for in their lives is a LIE?

Nuna notes that in our mothers' times, girls used to fight by grabbing on to each other's hair and pulling their scalp as hard as they could. The first person to cry, of course, loses, and other girls used to keep bobbing down to check which girl's face teared up first. Think of it as that: You cry, you lose. Your choice is either to sit there and get your hair pulled out more till you cry, or you pull THEIR hair so hard they cry first.

So! Nuna would like to impart on those of us larger than life women (Nuna herself is an intimidating 172cm and 70kgs) that the best way is to insult them back: Nuna's favourite is *fake looud sneeze* "Oh I'm sorry, I'm allergic to cheap makeup brands." or "Yeah, I know I'm fat, and earn twice as much as your kids ever will 'cos they're crap at school" to perfect strangers, and to the people you're sure to meet again? "Oh Aunty, you're soooooo oooooooold with your quaint, ooooooold views. Who needs a man except to open jars and take out the garbage in this day and age?"

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask a Korean! News: Afterwards, Spanish National Basketball Team Went out for Some Oriental Food

Many people would just not believe the Korean when he says Europe is more racist than America. Then the proofs come out.

Enjoy the photo of Spanish basketball team making slant-eyes in their photo-op for Olympics. This photo ran on a full page in the Spanish sports daily, Marca.

Somehow, the Korean's Pau Gasol jersey feels a bit tainted. But given the choke job he did during the NBA Finals, perhaps no more taint is possible.

Source: Deadspin, via Spoiler.

-UPDATE: 8/12/08 8:21 p.m. EST- Sure enough, Spanish newspapers are defending this picture. For people who can't read Spanish, the title is "Does this picture seem racist to you?", and the first sentence reads: "What began as a simple graceful photo to wish luck to the Spanish basketball team in the Olympic Games has finished with accusations of racism and discrimination in the foreign press."

God bless America.

-UPDATE: 8/13/08 1:42 p.m. EST - This gets better and better. Jose Calderon, a member of the Spanish national team, says "We felt it was something appropriate, and that it would be interpreted as an affectionate gesture[.]" But wait, here comes the "I have yellow friends!" defense: "We have great respect for the Far East and its people, some of my best friends in Toronto are originally Chinese[.]"

Here is another reason why America is the least racist country in the world -- Americans understand what actions are racist.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Taiji is back!!! Rejoice!!!!

The Korean is in the news again.

Ask A Korean! is NOT an expat blog! Grrr.

It’s Not Just That They All Look the Same

Dear Korean,

What is up with Korean names? My brother works front desk at a hotel in Canada which is owned by a Korean conglomerate, which leads to many Korean people staying there on business. As guests, he generally finds Koreans to be polite and trouble free, except when he must direct calls to their rooms-he says that for any given Korean name, he may have three people by that name staying in the hotel, and he has no idea which room to direct the call to. Are there just not enough suitable Korean names? Is there anything else my brother could use to direct calls properly?

Jenny B.

Dear Jenny,

The Korean appreciates your providing yet another excuse to dig into the Korean’s favorite topic – Korean names. Despite numerous posts about Korean names (try… here here and here), the Korean still has a thing or two to say about Korean names.

So why all the same names? Is this a part of Koreans’ diabolical plan to confuse the whitey? We already all look alike, so we will all give ourselves the same name to torture those hapless hotel clerks! Those silly Canadians will never know what hit them.

Just kidding. Let’s break it down a little bit, shall we? First, we all know that many Koreans have the same surname. (The Korean already covered this topic here.) Roughly 1 in 5 Koreans are Kims, 1 in 7 are Lees, and 1 in 10 are Parks. Kim, Lee, and Park put together comprise 45 percent of all Koreans. So that is one source of confusion.

(Aside: Koreans are not even close to being the worst offender in this area – approximately 40 percent of Vietnamese have the last name Nguyen.)

Korean first names could also be confusing. First, you have to understand the structure of a Korean first name. Korean first name is almost always two syllables. Those two syllables are almost always made up of two Chinese characters with distinct meanings.

(Although they are Chinese characters, Koreans pronounce them differently from the way Chinese people do. It’s akin to the way same alphabets are pronounced different across English, French, and German.)

So generally, the way Koreans name their children is to select two Chinese characters with good meanings and cool sounds, and put them together in some order. Some characters are associated with boys, some with girls, and some characters are unisex. The Korean’s own name is also unisex. (What is it, you ask? Wouldn’t you like to know.)

Just to show the Korean naming process, here are some examples:

Popular boys’ characters and meanings – Jun (excellence, hero), Seung (rise, victory), Jae (talent), Cheol (philosophical), Jin (advance), Tae (big), Seok (excellence), Hwan (brightness) etc.

Popular girls’ characters and meanings – Mi (beauty), Min (clever, smart), Ah (grace), So (serene), Suk (demure), Hee (joy), Eun (silver, grace), Bin (brilliance), Hye (grace) etc.

Popular unisex characters and meanings – Jeong (pure, correct), Hyeon (wisdom), Su (excellence), Sang (high official), Yun (brilliance), Hyo (filial), Yeong (glory), Seong (success), Ji (wisdom), Kyeong (capital, top) etc.

So let’s name some Korean children! For a boy, pick two “boy” characters or one “boy” and one unisex character, and mix and match. Something like Seung-Jun? (Victorious hero, also one of the Korean’s nephews’ name.) Jun-Seung is equally acceptable. Or how about Su-Cheol, an excellent philosopher? (Not a bad name for one of the most distinguished guitarists in Korea in the 1980s, Kim Su-Cheol.) Or try a girl’s name. Currently, Jeong-Ah (pure grace) is a very popular girl’s name in Korea. Or how about Su-mi, an excellent beauty who is also a world-renowned soprano (Cho Sumi)?

Please, before you write a snide comment or email, note that the Korean simplified the process by a ton. Some letters work in one position and some do not. (e.g. “Hwan” is almost always the second letter, not the first.) Some letters change sex in different positions. (Sounds dirty written that way – but e.g., Kyeong would be unisex as the first letter, but would sound feminine as the second letter.) Also, this process does not account for purely Korean names without involving any Chinese character, which are increasing in number. The Korean also skipped over Korean naming convention (dollimja), because that deserves another post.

But this process would cover most Korean names, and you can see the source of confusion. Strictly speaking, it is not very common that two Koreans have the exact same first name. (In other words, there is no exact equivalence to “John” in Korea, technically speaking.) But it is more or less the same letters floating around in different orders. Unless you are very familiar with all different renditions of them, it could get confusing.

Making this even worse for English-speakers is: because so many of your fellow English speakers cannot remember two unfamiliar sounds, a lot of Koreans drop one syllable of their first name just to make it easy for the whitey! Usually the dropped syllable is something that is hard to pronounce in English, like Seung or Hyeon. So you end up having a ton of Joon Kim or Young Park, a completely mangled Korean name that could have been Joon-Ho Kim or Joon-Seung Kim, or Young-Suk Park or Young-Hyeon Park.

So what advice could the Korean give for Jenny’s brother? The best advice is to learn the whole name of a Korean person. Just the last name or last name and the first name initial would be very unhelpful. And pay attention such that you wouldn’t mix up Min-Jeong Kim and Jeong-Min Kim. Unfamiliarity is often confusing and irritating, but hey, all immigrants do it, and they do it with a smile and minimum wage.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Dear Readers,

Would anyone like to help out Jeff? The Korean has no clue because, well, the Korean never had to learn Korean online. Please leave your suggestions in the comments section. Thank you all in advance.

Dear Korean,

My Korean is very rusty (both spoken and written), learned more than 20 years ago and not used daily for about that period. Could you recommend any online resources that might help polish it?

Thanks for your time,

Jeff H.

Ask a Korean! News: The Most Brilliant Thing You Will See Today

Wear a diaper while you read this blog, because you might piss yourself as you do. The Korean introduces: Stuff Korean Moms Like.

Here is the Korean's favorite passage:

#11 Telling people they are fat:

Korean moms will go out of their way to tell people that they are fat. Sometimes they will say that you look 'healthy', but do not be decieved by this outwardly friendly comment. Really, it just means you're fat. There's no getting around it. Many Korean women live in fear of heading to Korea for vacation because they will be called fat by many Korean moms, sometimes by more than five different moms per day. A Korean mom does not have to have a personal relationship with you to call you out on your fatness. Her Korean momness is permission enough. One time while at work, a Korean mom walked past my open office door, then moonwalked back, popped her permed head in, and said, "You gained wieght". After she left, I hung my head and cried. I still don't know who she was.

Just go read it. You will thank the Korean later.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Ask a Korean! News: Introducing Our New Associate Editor

It's a big day at Ask A Korean! headquarters, folks. As it is well known, the AAK! HQ, while towering over the Hudson River, was occupied by one person, the Korean. He had to do it all by himself, and often doubted the wisdom of having such a massive building just for one person. After all, it was a bitch having to bring down the whole desktop (because remember, the Korean's laptop died a watery death a while back) every night to the front desk so that the Korean can man the security booth while typing. And don't even get him started on cleaning all 115 stories of the HQ.

Well, no more! Today, Ask A Korean! welcomes its first associate editor, Nuna. Nuna is a twentysomething lady from Australia. It would be nice to have a female perspective from outside of America.

Nuna's first post would be coming soon. Stay tuned.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.