Oh, and the Korean is hoping that everyone is following the story of New York Philharmonic in North Korea.

New York Times article today talks about how some schools in Germany now uses comic book-style textbooks to teach its students about Holocaust. The Korean is not sure how to feel about this; it feels like sometimes, Germans are trying a bit too hard. But one thing is for sure: the harder Germany tries to atone for its past crimes, the worse Japan looks in comparison.

Help the Korean Destroy a Family

[The Korean's note: the following email has been edited for privacy and other concerns.]

Dear Korean,

My name is [REDACTED], Filipina and I've been in Korea for almost three years. Yes, three years of hardships in understanding your culture through the family of my husband.

I met my Korean husband through a Wedding Match in the Philippines. I don't actually know about "Wedding Match". I passed all the questions and answers. My husband, with the help of an interpreter, told me that he has a mother (73 yrs. old), and 4 kids from his first wife. Only 3 children (twin girls of 19 years old and a son of 10 years old) are with him because the first born chose to live with her mother. He is divorced since 2003. So his mother is the one who takes care of the 3 while he is the one who provides for their needs.

I didn't have any second thought of not choosing this man (46 yearrs old at that time), since he got older kids who (I thought) knew already how to take care of themselves and have responsibilities and initiatives.

My struggles started when I woke up the next morning. There were many garbages in their veranda, used cups/plates on the floor. Used towels/clothes in front of the bathroom door. Even panty with blood was left inside the bathroom (would you believe?). That's not all--when I visited the twins room (they went out already), GOSH! the clothes were scattered on the floor, even their makeup, everything as in EVERYTHING! Is this a house of responsible people?

I didn't know their language then and my husband inculcated on my mind, "What you see here is Korean style." I told to myself, "AHH, KOREAN STYLE - LAZY AND DIRTY PEOPLE!" I just shrugged my shoulders and did all the household chores. His mother was the one who cooked the food and I was the one who cleaned. But after cleaning, laundrying, and throwing the garbage, the dirtiness started again when the kids (actually they are not kids anymore) arrived home. I was waiting for their halmoni to say a word, but my waiting was futile.

The scene in that house was the same everyday. As days passed by, little by little, I learned the language and met some Korean people. So, a good chance to confirm if the style in our house was their style also. They all said, "NO, ARE YOU A FOOL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THOSE THINGS! YOU ARE THE WIFE AND NOT THEIR MAID! Remember, they still have their mother."

From those words, I began to change my being "maid" to them for almost two years and I let their halmoni do all their things: laundry, throwing the garbages, washing their plates, etc. Because of my "rebellious" ways, my husband and I are always fighting. He said, why do I let his mother do all those things, she's old already and has a backache. I retaliated, "If that so, why she doesn't she command her grandchildren to help her?"

And with that, I will close this letter with a question, "Why some Korean men beat their wives (my husband beat me twice).

Dear [REDACTED],

I am not joking when I say this: LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. NOW.

I'm terribly sorry to tell you, but Korean men (in Korea -- I am a Korean-American myself) would never marry a Southeastern Asian like yourself if they had a choice. Your husband went to Wedding Match because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There's probably a reason for that, and what you described shows the reason.

Again, I'm sorry to be crude, but your husband went to Wedding Match exactly because he needed a maid whom he can have sex with. That's all he wants out of you, and he will continue to treat you that way.

Please see an older post of mine. Your husband is basically the same type of guy in the article. He thinks he spent a good amount of money bringing you into Korea, and he will get mad when he thinks he is not getting his "money's worth."

Don't believe any of the bullshit your husband says about "Korean style". As you know already, it is a lie. The same goes for his violence -- he is not beating you because he is a Korean, he is beating you because he is a bad person who thinks he can buy people.

You must leave your husband. If you need help finding any battered women shelter or free counseling service, I would be happy to help. Best of luck, and keep in touch.

The Korean

Dear Korean,

Thank you very very much for giving attention to my letter, and also for offering a help.

I want to bring my baby in the Philippines and go back here to work. Is that possible? I'm not a Korean citizen yet. We filed our citizenship a year ago. And some of my friends who got their citizenship already told me that I have to wait this year (November) for the release of my citizenship. Is it possible to divorce him because of the reasons I've mentioned to you? Can I get an alimony for that? How about the beatings?

If I stay here more, there is a possibility that he can do that again if I don't want to embrace their Korean "style" in our house. You advised me to leave him. If you give me answers to my above-mentioned reasons, I will leave him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

Thank you and waiting for your reply.

[REDACTED]

---------------------------------------

Okay folks, if you read this far, the Korean needs your help. The best that the Korean can do sitting in New York is some Google searches, and that is not enough. The Korean knows that some of you guys live in Korea. Be a good person and boost your karma. Please send the Korean any information about free legal clinic, battered women shelter, etc., etc., in Korea. Thank you in advance.

[Note: The Korean hesitated putting this up on the blog, but realized that this poor woman probably found this blog by searching for "why do Korean men beat their wives" or "Korean Philippines marriage" type things. This post will probably pull this blog up closer to the top of the search list if any other person who needs help searches for those terms in the future.]

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

-EDIT- Can anyone who speaks Tagalog quickly help out the Korean? Promise this will be quick and easy -- just need to read two emails.

LA Times had an article about something that all of us knew already -- that Koreans now live all across Southern California, not just K-town.

This week at work for the Korean looks really bad... Please sit tight and continue the discussion. The Korean will get to all the comments and emails at some point.

Discussion Topic: Authenticity

Dear readers:

The Korean so far has been faithfully answering your questions. (If you are wondering what happened to your questions, well, the Korean is now going through questions that he received in May 2007. But the Korean admits that he answers questions that he likes almost right away.)

Now it's time for the Korean to ask a question. It's a topic that the Korean has been struggling with for a while, and he would appreciate some input. We can discuss either through the comment section, or through emails.

The question is: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"

The question underlies many of the posts that the Korean has written so far, and recently it implicitly surfaced in posts about Korean food. In the post, the Korean bitterly complained that people simply don't know what is the right way to cook Korean food in America. In reply, one of the commentors suggested that it was irrational for the Korean to demand everything to be completely authentic.

So one side of the debate can be elaborated thusly: In any piece of culture, there is a perfectly authentic form of that piece -- sort of like the perfect forms of all matters envisioned by Plato. Any deviation from that authenticity renders that piece to become something else entirely. Therefore, a person who enjoys the imperfect piece of culture cannot be said to be enjoying the foreign culture, for that imperfect piece does not actually exist in the authentic culture.

The particular example in the previous post was sullungtang, a creamy Korean beef soup. The "authentic" way to make the dish is to boil cow's legs for at least 8 hours, until the bone marrow produces the white broth. But since this is not efficient enough to be commercially profitable, many Korean restaurants (and almost all Korean restaurants in America) uses a trick to imitate the flavor. They use regular beef broth, and add coffee creamer (!) to imitate the creaminess.

According to the first perspective -- let's call it "cultural purist" -- anyone who thinks sullungtang in America is delicious simply does not know what he is talking about. It's a fake thing! It's not a real sullungtang! If you say you enjoy Scotch whiskey but all you ever drank in your life is Jack Daniel's (a Tennessee whiskey), is it not obvious that you don't know what you are talking about?

The other side of the debate -- let's call this one "cultural evolutionist" -- would retort: How does it make sense to demand a crystallized, perfect form in every piece of culture you enjoy? Cultural pieces evolve and change over time and place. If many people like the way the cultural piece has evolved, why does someone with the knowledge of "authenticity" have a monopoly over the question what is the superior? I like my Korean food in America just fine, no matter how different it is from Korean food in Korea. Can't we just call it American-style Korean food and be done with it? Why do you have to ruin my appetite by screaming "bastardization?

Moreover, how do you pinpoint the time of history when something became "authentic"? For example, the cultural purist would be aghast if Americans made a version of kimchi with less red pepper because Americans like it better that way. No "true" Koreans would condone such a travesty! But wait - kimchi only turned red in the 18th century, because red pepper was not introduced to Korea until then. In fact, red pepper originated in the Americas, and it was a distinctively foreign element in the food. Is it not completely arbitrary for a cultural purist to say that 19th century kimchi is authentic, while 17th century kimchi is not?

This debate can go into all kinds of different areas. Take Engrish t-shirts, for example. The cultural purist would simply laugh at the dumb Chinese/Japanese/Koreans who would sport such ridiculous things. In English, those things say really dumb or inappropriate things! They are ignorant for wearing such a thing.

On the other hand, the cultural evolutionist would say that, if those folks like the way their shirts look, who are we to judge? It is clear that the English alphabets on those shirts do not serve the function that English-speaking people presumes that they have. The alphabets on the shirts are purely decorative, like an elaborate pattern. From the perspective of the child in the picture, it would make little difference if he was wearing a t-shirt that had race cars. So who are we to laugh?

Wanna try to take this debate into a less-PC (and more odious) area? How about the idea of "white man's Asian woman"? Lucy Liu is the most popular Asian American actress in America at this point, but the Korean has never met a single Asian man who found her attractive. In the Korean's experience, near-universal reaction of all Asian men who saw a picture of Lucy Liu for the first time was "What the hell is wrong with her eyes?"

It is true that Liu's eyes are extra-squinty, and hardly anything like an average Asian's eyes. Based on that, many Asian American men consider Liu the prototypical "white man's Asian woman" -- someone who fits the image of an exotic creature, which has no basis in the "authentic" reality. Because of this perception, the Korean is positive that most Asian Americans would believe a movie like House of Flying Daggers would be ruined if Liu replaced Zhang Ziyi, because Liu would ruin the authenticity of the vision of ancient China.

Underlying the idea of "white man's Asian woman" is a cultural purist attitude. "White man's Asian woman" is someone who is clearly inferior to "Asian man's Asian woman", because after all, who is a better judge of Asian beauty than Asians themselves?

But -- a cultural evolutionist would point out -- Lucy Liu is a real person! She did not choose the way she would look. What is wrong with people liking her for the way she looks? How does white people liking her make her "less real"? Is she supposed to decline the fame and fortune because she is not "authentic" enough?

On the whole, cultural evolutionist view is closer to reason, and cultural purist view is closer to gut reaction. We would all like to say that we are reasonable people who are not swayed by unreasonable gut reaction, but admit it -- you are a lying liar if you say you did not laugh at the picture of the child whose shirt said "Wake Up! Mother Fucker." If you have more knowledge on a topic, it's difficult for you not to mock those who flaunt less knowledge.

So, the question again: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"

The Korean awaits your response.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Korean saw a Life cereal ad on TV that featured a white mother, an Asian father, and three beautifully mixed boys. Did anyone else see this? It used to be the case that whenever there was a relationship between an Asian and a non-Asian, it always involved an Asian woman and a non-Asian man. Nowadays the Korean is noticing a lot more Asian man-non-Asian woman relationship, and now it's on TV. Somehow, it feels like the world became a better place.

-EDIT Feb. 11, 2008 5:54 p.m.- You can see the ad on www.lifecereal.com. ("The Oh Family") Apprently there were four boys, and the father is indeed Korean. Thank you, brandonsmom!

Oh, and happy Lunar New Year everyone. Just don't call it Chinese New Year. Here's an old post of what Koreans do on seolnal.

Ask A Korean! News: Pandas in Super Bowl Ad? Sound the Racism Alert!

Apparently after the Super Bowl, some people are up in arms about one particular commercial:




Here is the Korean's reaction to those people: Get the fuck over yourselves.

Making a fuss over this ad takes the focus away from the real issue of the ad: It sucks. It's dumb. It shows not a shred of originality that people have come to expect from a Super Bowl ad. Talking about the ad gives it a longer life than the 30 seconds it deserves.

Pandas are from China. There is no dispute about this. So why is it so weird to have Panda speaking Chinese accent? And if a cartoon Panda speaks in Chinese accent, why must we demand it to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences? No one whines when a leprechaun sings the grammatically incorrect sentence of "Catch me Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" in a decidedly un-masculine high pitch Irish accent. (The Korean has no way of truly knowing how good that Irish accent is, but he suspects that it is not much better than the pandas's Chinese accent.)

In fact, this little episode reveals more about Asian Americans themselves than the supposed racism in America. The Korean cannot help but notice that this type of episode tends to happen whenever there is a cartoon description of Asians on television or print media. (e.g. the Pat Oliphant cartoon incident a few years back.) The complaint is always the same too: the image invokes racially stereotypical caricatures. "How dare you depict my people with small eyes and yellow skins," they would say indignantly, "when I myself as well as many other Asians I know don't look anything like that caricature?"

News flash: No one looks like a caricature! How are cartoonists supposed to depict Asians when they need to depict Asians? Asians, as a race, have a distinctive look. We generally have yellow skin, small eyes, and small nose. We are on average shorter. Of course individually Asians all look different, and the Korean pointed it out repeatedly. But cartoonists are not portrait artists -- they are SUPPOSED to pick defining physical characteristics of a person to draw a representation of that person.

If Asians as a race share certain defining physical characteristics, how can a cartoonist NOT use such characteristics to depict Asians? George W. Bush cannot complain that cartonnists repeatedly make his ears appear big and jutted forward. The president's ears are a little large, and the cartoonists exaggerate that feature to make the pictoral representation recognizable. But just because a cartoonist depicts and exaggerates a physical feature that is common to a race, he instantly becomes a racist?

The fact that some Asian Americans get worked up over such portrayals of themselves means a very significant thing for Asian Americans: some Asian Americans DON'T LIKE THEIR OWN LOOKS. Why are they outraged at small-eyed cartoon characters when they themselves have small eyes? Why are they outraged at accented cartoon characters when many Asian Americans (especially their first-generation immigrant parents) speak with an accent?

The answer should be simple: they don't want to be seen as having small eyes and Asian accents. They are embarrassed of their own Asian characteristics, so they are outraged when someone points them out. It's the same affliction that drives Asian Americans into invisibility. They would rather blend in; they would rather be white, or black. Anything but Asian. They would rather not be different.

But not this Asian. The Korean, for one, is proud of his yellow skin, proud of his small, squinty eyes, and proud of his parents' accented, broken English that they built up from no English skill. Asian American live in a country in which the color of your skin matters the least in your success; a country where accented English speakers like Henry Kissinger and Arnold Schwartznegger have achieved dazzling success. Difference is nothing to be embarrassed about -- not in America.

So Asians, please just leave the stupid panda alone. There are plenty of issues that deserve your outrage other than a failed commercial.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Korean Funeral Tradition

Dear Korean,

I just found out that my boss's mother has died in Korea. I've heard that it's customary to give money to the person who has lost a loved one, but I've known my boss for 2 years and it just seems insensitive to me if all I did was give him some money. Why do Koreans do that? Is there something else that I can do that is more personal?

Little White Girl

Dear Little White Girl,

It may seem insensitive, but Koreans are practical folks. Sad fact of life, or the end thereof, is that funerals cost money. The nice thing to do would be to help out with the costs. Of course, nothing stops people from doing things more personal, like writing cards or helping the funeral preparation. But as far as Korean folks are concerned, money in a white envelope that says 謹弔 is enough. (The Chinese characters roughly mean “I am sorry for your loss.”)

A side effect of the custom of giving money (the money itself is called bujo) is that the family of the deceased should only give the official notice of the funeral (called bugo) to those close to the deceased and the family. Because those who received the notice is expected to attend the funeral and give money, it is bad manners to give the notice to mere acquaintances.

Some more about what Korean funerals look like. Korean funerals traditionally had a very long and elaborate procedure, but modern Korean funerals are simplified, and often adjusted for religious beliefs, especially among Christians.

Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.

First son of the deceased assumes the role of sangju, basically the master of ceremonies. Traditionally the sangju would wear clothes and hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also supposed to wear the hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both sangju and the relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only sangju wears it. (Picture came from a Korean funeral house, which advertises that it rents the traditional garb.)

On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home. Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.

After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.

Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated box.

On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.

Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members' burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.

After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.

But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Super Bowl 2008

Super Bowl is once again here. As a person with sworn allegiance to all Los Angeles sports (except college sports -- according to the rules of sports fandom, the Korean must follow the college he attended,) the Korean demands to Commissioner Roger Goodell once again:

BRING AN NFL FRANCHISE TO LOS ANGELES!! An NFL franchise in Los Angeles would do a lot more good for spreading football to the world than 10,000 New England Patriots exhibition games in China. (The idea was canned in favor of an NFL game in London, but that muddy shitfest between Miami Dolphins and New York Giants did even less to spread football to the world.)

Ask A Korean! is a blog devoted to topics of culture and immigration, but as Will Leitch of Deadspin.com said, Super Bowl is for sports tourists. So Ask A Korean! will make its annual foray into making a Super Bowl pick.

Now, New England is a prohibitive favorite of this match. They are 18-0, the perfect record fitting a team for the ages, with the glamourous quarterback who made it his mission to create a race of beautiful people for the future. On the other hand, New Jersey Giants look overmatched. Its star TE is injured for the season (the Korean was actually at the Giants stadium when Shockey went down), and its miraculous streak of 8 wins in a row in away games has to end at some point. Plus, its QB's defining moment of youth is going antique shopping with his mom.

However, the highly scientific guide of the Korean begs to differ. The Korean actually dreamt last night that Giants won the Super Bowl. The Korean was not even thinking about football as he went to sleep; he has no particular allegiance to the Giants, despite the fact that he currently lives only 20 minutes away from Meadowlands. This has to be a sign. The dream prominently featured the scoreboard, and that shall be the Korean's pick.

Giants 27, Patriots 20.

Let the hate mails begin.

Last year's pick: Colts 24, Bears 21
Last year's result: Colts 29, Bears 17

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 8:24 a.m.- My goodness, what a game that was. The Korean loves it when he is right. Giants 17, Patriots 14.

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 11:43 a.m.- Best reaction belongs to the Korean Father, with whom the Korean had this exchange before the game:

KF: Did you know today was the Super Bowl?
TK: Yes, I'm at a party to watch it.
KF: I'm watching it now too. Where is NE? Nebraska?

All the more reason to bring an NFL franchise to Los Angeles.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.