Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Korean Men

Dear Ladies,

According to Gustavo Arellano, the most common question for the Mexican is “Why do Mexicans swim with their clothes on?” Well, for the Korean, the most common question is this: “[Who/what/when/why/how] do Korean guys [like/dislike/act/feel] [in/about/with/for] girls?”

Most of those questions come with a ridiculously long background story – so the Korean knows what the email is going to be about if the sender is something like fluffypuppiesandkittens@yahoo.com and the email size is around 200KB. Some of those emails were answered on this space, some privately, and some not at all, because the Korean doesn’t even know where to begin with those.

Some of the emails are simply the result of Korean men being around non-Korean women, but many of the emails seem to be a direct result of the recent popularity of Korean dramas and the male actors in them. (For example, Kwon Sang-Wu in the picture.) Korean guys are now singled out as a category, and they seem to feature in amorous fantasies of many non-Korean women. The Korean compiled the most frequent questions and their answers below.

Do Korean guys go for non-Korean [white, black, Latina, South Asian, Southeast Asian, Martian] girls?

If there is only one thing to remember about Korean men, it’s this: they are men before they are Korean. Do you have breasts and a vagina? Then at least some Korean men would go for you. It’s relatively uncommon, but hey, interracial dating is always relatively uncommon.

The Korean cannot stress this point enough: KOREAN MEN ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS ALL MEN. Korean dramas feed upon the fact that you womenfolks are always trying to find some men that do not exist in real world. Please just let it go. No man expects to find a woman who cooks like Rachel Ray and screws like Jenna Jameson. Same should go for your expectation on your man.

What qualities do Korean guys look for in a woman / What can I do to make this Korean guy like me?

The Korean covered this topic before: try cooking for him. But that advice usually works for all men. There is no love serum that especially works on Korean men. Just be yourself. The Korean Girlfriend’s advice? Give him a head. (She’s a keeper.)

Why do Korean guys want to get married so soon?

The Korean tangentially covered this as well. There is a huge pressure to be married by a certain age. Once that age is past, it’s as if Koreans are on fire sale. This is worse with Korean women, but men are definitely affected by this as well.

What does it mean if a Korean guy gives you [four leaf clover/hairpin/doll/other silly trinkets]?

There is no such thing as “ultra super special Korean guy-to-girl gift”, except possibly on certain days. (Described here.) Gift is no more than a gift. If it has an uber secret hidden message, he would probably tell you. Remember, girls are the ones who like to play detective games with clues and such. Guys never put in that much effort, except when they stop calling you back.

Why does my Korean boyfriend cannot share his feelings? Why does this Korean guy who seems to like me only talk to me on and off? Why am I in the middle of this Greek tragedy involving myself and a Korean guy?

Here’s the answer – I DON’T FUCKING KNOW. Stop flooding the Korean’s inbox with your 20-page sob story! If you want some genuine help, go read this instead. The Korean will say this one more time: Korean men are men before they are Korean. Whatever relationship problem you are having, 99 percent of it has to do with the fact that he is a man, and maybe 1 percent of it has to do with the fact that he is Korean. Before you send that email to the address on the bottom, please, please, PLEASE think through your situation, eliminate ALL possible non-cultural explanations first, and then ask if you have to.

After this post, if you still have a question about Korean men, it had better be good.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

-EDIT 3/20/2008 11:35 a.m.- SPECIAL ADVISORY TO LADIES FROM PHILIPPINES, VIETNAM, AND OTHER SOUTHEAST ASIAN COUNTRIES


The Korean recently noticed that many people from above countries (presumably women) are getting to this particular post through Googling for "Korean men". Your situation tends to be somewhat different from regular dating, so please read this carefully.If you are considering dating/marrying a Korean man, look out for the following:

1. Remember that majority of Koreans are racists. That means that they despise people whose skins are darker than them. Southeastern Asians are darker than Koreans. You do the math. It's safe to say that in many cases, your relationship will not be based on respect.

Even if your guy is not racist, his parents, relatives, and friends are going to be racist. That makes a long-term relationship or marriage extremely difficult. At some point, your guy will be forced to choose between you and everyone else he knows. Guess which one he is more likely to choose?

2. The same principle applies everywhere: Korean men are exactly the same as all men. And all men lie, beg, manipulate, and do other despicable things to have sex with women. Korean men are no different. The fact that they have less respect for you would make this more likely.

3. Are you going through some type of a broker? Be EXTREMELY careful about these services. Korean men who come to Southeast Asia through a marriage broker do so because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There is a reason for that. Of course, some men are just unlucky -- Korean women tend not to marry divorced men or men living in rural areas as farmers. But many men are your classic, stuck-in-the-1960s type of Koreans whose hobbies include beating their wives.

4. Regardless of going through a broker or not, watch out for older Korean men (in 30s~40s as opposed to in early 20s), for the simple reason that older Korean men are more likely to be racist, manipulative, and disrespectful to women. Remember, there is a strong pressure for Koreans to get married in their early 30s at the latest. So if there is a single Korean who is older than, say, 33, either s/he went through some unusual circumstances, or something is wrong with that person.

5. Lastly, do not fall for the two classic mistakes that all women make about men at some point in their lifetime: "He is different from everyone" and "He will change for me." The first one is correct only about 20 percent of the time, and the second one is never correct.

Happy Chuseok!

Today is August 15 in lunar calendar, which makes it Chuseok in Korea. Chuseok is essentially a harvest festival, and the traditional food is songpyeon, a half-moon shaped rice cake with sweet stuffing inside.

For most Koreans, chuseok is remembered as a time for traffic jam, as most people in Seoul who are not from Seoul return to their hometown in their cars. The Korean's trip to the Korean Family's hometown, a breezy 1.5 hour drive in most cases, becames an epic 6 hour journey during chuseok.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Billowy is Nice.

Dear Korean,

Why do so many Koreans smoke? I have been around Asians my whole life, and amongst the Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Filipino, and Koreans, the Koreans definately have the highest percentage of smokers.

Bewildered Half-JapAm

Dear Bewildered Jjokbari (derogatory term for Japanese),

It is absolutely true that Koreans smoke a lot. In the U.S., according to 1998 CDC survey, roughly a quarter of all American adults are smokers, with the number of men and women roughly similar. Asian Americans had the lowest percentage of smokers, with 13.7 percent.

About a quarter of all Korean adults in Korea are smokers as well. But the number is deceptive, because a whopping 44.1 percent of Korean adult males are smokers, while only 2.3 percent of Korean adult women smoke. There is no survey that the Korean could find that broke down smoking by more specific ethnicities in the U.S., but chances are percentages of Korean American males smoking would not be that much lower.

The smoking trend for Koreans abroad is really just a by-product of the smoking trend in the mothership. So the proper question is why Korean males smoke so much. First factor is simply this: Korea is still not that far out of the times when EVERYONE smoked. U.S. had times like that, all the way until 1970s or so. Then the cancerous effects of smoking got publicized, and Americans, at that time rich enough to care for their health, quit smoking in droves.

One must remember that caring for one's health is a very rich-country-thing to do. After all, who has time to care for one's health when everyone has to work every waking hour to feed his/her family? Korea only became rich in the recent years, and sure enough, in the last five years or so there has been a massive public campaign to stop smoking. Governmental efforts followed as well, putting more and more places under no-smoking ordinances. In the last five years, all male relatives of the Korean who used to smoke quit, including the two Korean Uncles who had been smoking for decades.

(The picture is a pack of This, the metaphysical cigarette that is one of the most popular in Korea. Notice the beautiful humor of subtle foblish.)

Another factor to consider is that Koreans spend a lot of time in extremely high-stress situations, and those situations tend to be suffered as a group. Smoking relieves stress, but even more importantly, chatting up while gathered to smoke relieves stress big time. Korean educational system is notoriously high-stress with cutthroat competition beginning from middle school -- the result is around 20 percent of high school students smoke.

After high school, the 2 to 3 years spent in the military is another high-stress situation suffered as a unit. After military, certain jobs operate as a stressful unit, encouraging smoking. (Surprisingly, such jobs include doctors, especially surgeons.) Almost all Korean smokers that the Korean knows picked up the habit during high school, military, or work, out of stress. Which leads the Korean to the thought that he has had, from the moment he landed at LAX -- boy, Americans have it so easy.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Fastest in the East

Dear Korean,

안녕하십니까? Why are Koreans in a rush all the time? Like at elevators and subways, people get on before people get off... isn't that like Social Etiqutte 101? And Koreans (esp. men) eat fuckin' FAST! (I hear this has something to do with 군대.) I remember a lot of 유학생 back in the States would be running all over the place at grocery stores. Don't they know grocery shopping is supposed to be a leisurely experience? Are they in a hurry to get back to their apartments to study?

$imon
Seoul, Korea by way of Houston, TX

Dear $imon,

Although it has been getting better in the last decade or so, the social etiquette in Korea is still MIA at times. It's because still for many Koreans, (generally older people,) it is their first time living in a megapolis like Seoul. It doesn't occur to them that there are extra sets of etiquette required for a crowded living. But truthfully, it's not that big of a problem anymore -- it used to be really bad until the 80s.

If you are curious about what Korea used to be like, you should visit China. When the Korean visited China, the only way to keep people from blatantly cutting in any line was to close my fist, raise it, and stare down the would-be cutter. Unfortunately, that didn't work for spitting mucus and chicken bones on the street.

A related side story: a while back, the Korean visited Disneyland with his three friends. We were in a line for Star Wars, and we began to notice this one group of obviously-mainland-Chinese kids, probably around high school age or so. They used to be next to us on a folded line (so kinda far back,) but now they were just a few spots behind us. We observed, and their method was this: squeeze a small girl up front past other people, who establishes some space in the line, and the rest of the group (maybe 4 or 5) comes in to join the girl.

Upon seeing this, we decided to have some fun. Four of us stood so that we were forming an L, with the long side of the L facing that group. The space in the middle of the L was a delicious piece of cheese for those line-cutting rats. Sure enough, the small girl made a move, snuck in, and stood in the middle trying to act normal. At that point, the trap door snapped shut. The last guy who was at the tip of the long of the L moved in, forming a square; all of us stood a little closer, forming a tight little cage. The four of us were standing just close enough to that girl that if she wanted to get out, she would have to push one of us aside.

After the trap was complete, we were just talking to each other as if the girl in the middle didn't exist, trying to hold in laughs. Our mouse in the middle tried to look calm, but after spending about 15 minutes in that cage, she looked increasingly distressed, frantically glancing back over to her origial group. Eventually we opened the cage slightly, and the girl bolted back to her group. That group still made it right behind us, but didn't dare to pass us. Fun times.

(Lest there should be any misunderstanding: the Korean has absolutely nothing against Chinsese-Americans. The Korean likes mainland Chinese people too, but just thinks they could learn some manners. Apparently the Chinese government is putting on a massive public advertisement campaign to clean up their people's acts in anticipation of Beijing Olympics. Maybe things will be better after that.)

Back to the topic. Yes, it is totally true that Koreans do everything fast. Koreans walk fast, they talk fast, they eat fast. Koreans demand fast service, and get pissy if they don't get it. One of the biggest complaints of Koreans who travel abroad is "slow service." It took at least five years for the Korean Father to realize that in an American restaurant, you can only talk to your own waiter. ("How can you get anything," the Korean Father would retort, "if that waiter only comes around once in 20 minutes?)

Why? It's Richard Rorty's favorite answer - survival. People still don't realize how Korea could go from one of the poorest countries in the world (and the Korean is talking about sub-Saharan Africa, rampant-starvation-death kind of poor) to a legitimate economic power. Korea could do that, in part, because it valued speed and efficiency over everything else. The industries that really pulled Korea in the 70s and the 80s were international ship-building and construction, things that depend on large bids and huge projects that often become delayed for years on end. As a newcomer on the scene, the only way for Korean companies to win bids is to promise this: We will do what you want cheaper and faster than anyone else can.

Since then, doing things fast became a national motto for Koreans. You can still hear anecdotes of Jeong, Ju-young, the legendary founder of Hyundai group, personally went to construction sites abroad and slapped the foremen silly in order to keep the deadline. Finishing a big project faster than others is simple: You work when other people don't. So Korean people took working for 14 hours a day, six days a week for granted. The Daewoo group's unofficial motto was "When other people work 9 to 5, we work 5 to 9."

This culture of speed affected every part of the country. Restaurants are supposed to give blazing fast service because workers need to get back to work after 30 minutes of lunch and dinner break. People walk fast and drive like maniacs in order to get to their work on time. Even after Korea went past the industrial stage that requires speed above all, speed became a part of the culture.

This phenomenon is not limited to Korea -- it's really all over Asia, because the entire Asia is going through a crazy growth spurt that Korea went through. The Korean's favorite Chinese restaurant brings food out before the Korean even ordered. Okay, that's not true, but it seriously brings food out within 5 minutes of the order.

Recently -- within the past 15 years or so -- Koreans decided that they could not take the maddening speed anymore, and campaigned for a general slow-down of their lives. Such need was heightened when a series of construction disasters happened, such as a collapsed bridge in Seoul or gas main explosion in Daegu, all of them due to shoddy construction that occurred because the construction company was trying to keep the impossibly near deadline. (That bridge, named Seongsu Daegyo, was on the way to the Korean's middle school from the Korean's old home in Seoul, and the Korean himself saw the collapse.)

Nonetheless, once you get used it, you will realize it's kinda nice to have fast service so that you can be done eating early and get on with your life. So the Korean doesn't see Korea slowing down much after all.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

p.s. Found a cartoon that really illustrated this point. This is a cartoon called "386c" by Hwang, Jung-hwan, carried on Dong-A Ilbo:

Title: Koreans Seen by a Chinese Scholar Who Lived in Korea

1st square - Q. What do you think the general trait of Koreans is? In "Fun Talks about Korea" by Kung Qing Dung, professor Beijing University.

2nd square - A. From the perspective of a Chinese person, the thought that they truly are impatient people comes to me several times a day. Seems like they could take it easy a little bit, but why are they in such a hurry? I felt that way in China as well, but felt it even stronger after I came to Korea.

3rd square - He's right, why can't we take it easy a little bit...

4th square - Let's hurry up and finish this. (Flip flip)

Twisted (Yet Delicious) Replacement for Birthday Cake

Dear Korean,

I am American and watch a fair amount of subtitled Korean movies and TV shows. In these shows, there is a big deal made about having seaweed soup on your birthday. What is this about, and also, what does seaweed soup taste like? Do you like it?

Suellen

Dear Suellen,

You're American? The Korean is American too! What a coincidence.

(Next time, just say you're white. The Korean will let it slide this one time.)

Eating seaweed sounds terrible to most non-Asians, because the image conjured up is the seaweed washed up on the beach, ruining the fun of a good swim. But let the Korean remind you that the image is no worse than yogurt (you toss the milk gone bad, not mix with fruit) or escargot (if you put salt to season it, would it shrivel up and die?)

Koreans generally eat three types of seaweed: miyeok (brown laver), gim (sloke), and parae (green laver). They are cooked differently. Gim is just like Japanese nori, i.e. the seaweed that wraps sushi rolls. Gim is flattened, dried, and roasted with sesame oil and salt. When done, it looks like a thin black sheet of paper. It is then cut into size, and eaten with rice. It makes a surprisingly good beer snack. Alternatively, gim can be eaten like fresh salad, tossed with soy sauce and sesame oil. Parae is less commonly eaten, and more of a local food. Usually it is cooked similarly to gim, but parae tends to have a thicker texture.

Miyeok is the only type that is made into soup, so the "seaweed soup" is really miyeokguk. (Guk means soup.) Miyeok can also be prepared like fresh salad like any other edible seaweed. In addition, miyeok can be prepared into either hot or cold soup. But the birthday soup, as it were, is the hot one. The cold soup is called miyeok-naengguk. The picture is what a typical miyeokguk looks like.

So why eat this particular thing on your birthday? It's really because seaweed soup is traditionally eaten by women after childbirth. Korean women who give birth traditionally eats seaweed soup for about three weeks straight.

Brown laver is particularly good for women who just gave birth because it has very rich in iron and iodine. Iron is what gives blood its red color. It's an essential ingredient for producing blood, something that a woman loses a lot during childbirth. (Which sounds like a load of fun.) Iodine is necessary to kick-start the production of hormones, which in turn produces breastmilk for the newborn. The broth is usually made out of beef or fish, which helps replace calcium and protein.

So, because it is associated with birth, seaweed soup is the thing to have on your birthday. It's a big deal because hey, wouldn't it be a big deal if you missed out on a birthday cake on your birthday?

What does it taste like? Soup is mostly about broth, and seaweed soup can be made out of just about any broth you can think of. (Including canned chicken broth!) The most common broth would be anchovy or beef, but any type of fish or shellfish generally works. Seaweed doesn't really add to the flavor of the broth. Usually minced garlic, soy sauce, and a dash of sesame oil is added to the broth. The texture of miyeok is somewhat like steamed cabbage, but less fiber-y. Wikipedia claims that because of the iodine content, miyeok tastes somewhat like olives, but the Korean loves both seaweed soup and olives and he never noticed the similarity.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.