The Korean is in the news. (The article is in Korean.)

-EDIT 5/2/2008- FINE, the Korean will give an English translation.

The article was on Korea Daily, a Korean-language newspaper in New York. The interview was done in Korean, so the translation (especially the Korean's quotes) is kind of awkward.


Ask A Korean!

"Ask A Korean" Answers Korean Cultural Questions Posed by Second-Generation Koreans, non-Koreans/ Half of the questions come from 1.5-2nd generation, also from Southeast Asia/Non-Korean Ask about Korean Men the Most


"Is it ok to marry a Korean man?" "What does Andong Kim mean?"

These are the questions submitted to "Ask a Korean", a blog to which people can ask about Korean culture. The questions of course come from the U.S., but they also come from Canada, Korea, Australia, Southeast Asia.

"The Korean", who has been writing the blog since 2006, hides his identity behind a mask. All that is known is that he has lived in Korea until he was 16 when he moved to California, and he is a Korean man in his late 20s living in New York. This reporter met "the Korean" on the condition of anonymity.

*Understanding Misunderstood Culture - "I try to answer all questions from second generation Koreans."

The Korean always try to answer questions from second generation Koreans, who comprise about half of all questioners.

"For second generation Koreans who do not live in Los Angeles or New York, their parents are the only window into Korean culture. So there are many things that they misunderstand a lot about it."

Because the parents often say "this is how Koreans do things" without thinking, he said there are many cases in which the particularities of a family is confused with characteristics of all Koreans.

Korean adoptees ask as well. They would give the Korean their Korean name, asking for its meaning; they would also ask about Korean spelling of their name, intending to tattoo their name. A mixed-heritage Korean also asked "my mother keeps on saying I am Andong Kim, what does that mean?"

One non-Korean asked, "I have a Korean neighbor -- what's wrong with Korean culture?" The Korean replied, "it's not Korean culture, it's your neighbor."

The variety of the questions is infinite, including hojeok, family relations, Korean grammar. Many questions require weeks and months of study and reflection.

"I really learn a lot. All the different areas like Korean culture, history, and society all connect through the blog."

* What are Korean men like? - "I am trying to meet a Korean man through a broker. Is that ok?"

The most common question is about Korean men. The question is especially frequent from Southeast Asian women.

There was a case in which a Filipina who lived in Korea through marriage asked for the Korean's help. The woman, who was being abused by her husband in a country without any acquaintance, found the Korean on the Internet and told her circumstances. The Korean introduced her to an organization that helped abused Filipinas in Korea.

Other non-Korean women who are dating or married to Korean men ask similar questions. One non-Korean woman said "my boyfriend's mother is too cold to me," and asked how to be more recognized from Korean parents.

The Korean's alma mater (that he dropped out after a year,) described with horror in New York Times. Make no mistake, the Korean educational system is deeply flawed. But once Koreans figure out the right way to invest all those hours from their students, they will leave Americans in the dust.

Super Special Korean Emotions?

Dear Korean,

I used to live in Korea and was recently reading something about a description for Korean emotion called ‘Chung’. I am not sure of the spelling of this, so am hopefully not confusing you. I skimmed through the article and saved it for later, only to discover I saved the wrong thing. Do you know anything about this? I asked a Korean friend, and didn’t get very far on account of his English not being ‘all that’.

Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

The spelling was good enough, since the Korean got the idea. Technically the correct Romanization rule would make the word transliterated as jeong, but not even Korean people are fully versed in Romanization rules anyway. Jeong is a word that denotes a mixture of affection and attachment.

Especially with pets, jeong is closer to “attachment”. The word is frequently used in parents’ attempt to get their child let go of a stray cat – as in, “get rid of it before you develop jeong for it.” It is equivalent to “get rid of it before you get attached.” In a similar sense, a person with a lot of jeong is a person who gets attached to people/animals easily.

With other situations, jeong is closer to “affection”. Various actions are considered to be “with” or “without” jeong. For example, when you are serving rice from the pot into the bowl, you are supposed to serve it in two small scoops instead of one large scoop, because serving only once does not show affection. It is an action without jeong.

But beyond the ordinary use of the word, what Koreans believe to be unique about jeong is largely in two ways: (1) to describe random acts of kindness between people who barely know each other or total strangers; (2) to describe Korean people’s preference for informal processes.

In the first sense, jeong is especially used to describe the action of giving small, gratuitous gift – such action is full of jeong. A particularly close neighborhood is described as full of jeong, in which the neighbors act in a way that displays jeong – i.e. helping out and being nice to each other.

In fact, this is the marketing pitch for one of the most successful Korean exports, namely Choco-Pie. Vintage Choco-Pie commercials would show various situations where a small packet of Choco-Pie is given as a gift. (For example, a “good job” gift from teacher to student; “keep up the good work” gift from a passerby to a hard-working street sweeper, etc.) The last second of the commercial would give this line in a soft tone: “Choco-Pie is jeong.”

Another way in which Koreans claim that jeong is special to Koreans is that, compared to America and other Western societies, Koreans are more likely to rely on informal processes. For example, if a Korean person screws up in a job, the boss would yell at him first. But later the boss would take the employee out for dinners and drinks, to establish a bond (= jeong) and show that nothing personal was involved.

Whereas in America and other Western societies, (at least in the images in Korean people's head,) your performance would be evaluated on a dry piece of paper, and you are fired mercilessly if you cannot measure up, no matter how well you built a personal bond with your boss and coworkers. The entire process is heartless, and no jeong is involved.

But the Korean disagrees that jeong is anything particular to Koreans. The fact that Koreans believe so only highlights how narrow-minded stereotypes (about themselves no less!) continue to live on.

Jeong in the first sense can be found almost anywhere in the world. Anyone who traveled extensively would know that random acts of kindness are not particularly difficult to find. Even in New York, which has a reputation to be brusque city, the Korean has no difficulty finding strangers helping each other out. In short, jeong is not anything specific to Koreans; it is human nature.

Jeong in the second sense is even less defensible as uniquely Korean. In an example that the Korean gave, top-flight Korean companies like Samsung already employs the same heartless system that any American firm would. Formal process is a natural outcome of a society that pursues greater economic efficiency. It is also a natural outcome of a society that is increasingly individualized because of economic growth. After all, when people are forced to interact with complete strangers all the time, formal process is the only process people can turn to.

More broadly, the Korean believes that there is no such thing as “uniquely [insert culture’s name here] emotion”. Humans are all the same, and they are all capable of the same range of emotions. The only difference is the circumstances in which a particular group of humans are placed that generate such emotions. Then only thing that is unique about a “uniquely Korean emotion” is the experience that generated that emotion.

But a student of world history knows that, at the end of the day, the experience of the Korean people is not truly unique. Sure, Koreans were historically oppressed; but that oppression is nothing compared to the oppression suffered by, say, the Irish. And sure enough, Irish literature has a flavor that is strongly like Korean literature.

Bottom line: There is no point discussing a “uniquely Korean emotion”. A Korean who talks about that nonsense is someone who has not traveled or read enough to realize that it is all crap. It is a meaningless label in an attempt to distinguish Koreans from others somehow.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Korean is being crushed at work, so this comes a bit late... but check it out below, fellow soju drinkers:

Dear Korean:

We are a NYC marketing consultancy seeking soju drinkers of legal age for a research project. If you know of anyone who may be interested (yourself included) please refer them to Craigslist--marketing/pr/advertising-section--listed on 4/11/08 and featuring the above headline. Thank you.

Good article on NY Times today about how ridiculous our immigration system is.

Interesting article about former president Roh Moo-Hyun in today's New York Times.

Korean Women are Special Creatures (Not)

Dear Korean,

My wife is Korean. I am Texan. She claims that there are many physiological differences between Asian and Caucasian women, and that is why they have to take care of their bodies in different ways when preparing for pregnancy, during pregnancy, and just after giving birth. How is it that information from mom and eonni is better than information from a doctor who has been to school for 8+ years and have years of experience on top of that?

There are just short of 13 million Asians in America, which is roughly a quarter of the population of South Korea. I am sure we would have some findings regarding racial differences on the Internet somewhere. Albeit, I have searched high and low on the Internet for information regarding any physiological differences between Asian and Caucasian women and men and have found squat. I think she is full of ddong, but just doesn't realize it.

Can you point me in any direction regarding information on physiological differences among Asians and Caucasians?

Floored,

Chris

Dear Chris on the Floor,

The Korean is Californian. So what? Next time, just say you are white. The white guilt has reached to such a degree that white people no longer say, “I am white.” They instead say things like “I am a Texan”, “I am a New Englander”, etc, which is even more insulting for non-white Texans and New Englanders.

But onto your question. The short answer is yes, your wife is indeed full of ddong (=shit. Hey, you said it, not the Korean.) One caveat going forward: The Korean is not a doctor, so this may be wrong in some ways. However, as far as the Korean knows, there is no real physiological difference between Asian woman and Caucasian woman. Asian women, by and large, tend to be smaller, have narrower hips, and they tend to be prone to osteoporosis. However, such characteristics are no different from a small white woman.

(As an aside, by eliminating “doctor” from the possibilities of the Korean’s occupation, he may have given away what he does for living. After all, all Koreans are either doctors or …?)

Then the question is: why does your wife (and her mother and sister) say such a thing? It is because many American doctors, with their 8+ years of training and experience, are nonetheless full of shit as well. Over 50 centuries of history, Koreans (along with Chinese and Japanese) developed their own approach to personal health that is seldom understood by doctors of Western training.

Take the post-birth seaweed soup, for example. New Korean mothers’ having only seaweed soup for three weeks has a strong scientific basis – namely, seaweed is extremely rich in iron and iodine. Iron is necessary to replace the blood lost during childbirth, and iodine kick-starts hormone production that enables breastfeeding. The broth is usually made of beef or fish, which provides protein and calcium.

However, an average Korean does not know the scientific basis behind having only seaweed soup for three weeks after birth; they only know that, after thousands of years of trial-and-error, it works. Imagine telling the doctor: “I don’t need the iodine and iron supplements; I will be having seaweed soup for three weeks in a row.” Very few doctors in America would approve of that, since most do not understand the nutritional value of seaweed soup.

The same goes to other Asian medicines such as herbal extracts, acupuncture, or diagnosis by pulse (picture). Asian medicines in fact have a very complex theory behind it; it’s just that it is completely different from the theories behind Western medicine. Any explanation that involves the chi flow in the body would only invite scoffs from Western doctors as rank superstition. But Koreans know from experience that they all work.

So how do Koreans reconcile the tension? Often, they rationalize by saying that Western and Oriental medicines have different foci. While Western medicine focuses on getting rid of specific illness, Oriental medicine focuses on changing the composition of the body so that it will be more resistant to illness in general.

Another way of rationalization is saying exactly what your wife says: Koreans/Asians are just different. If a white doctor insists that a traditional remedy does not work, but self-experiment shows over and over again that it does work, it is one of the possible conclusions to say that Koreans are just different from white people in their physiology. It is especially easy to arrive at this conclusion given that, again, many Koreans are racists.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Korean Drama Queen

Thanks to reader Shirley, here is a smattering of questions about what goes on in Korean dramas.

Lest there should be any misunderstanding, the Korean FUCKING DETESTS KOREAN DRAMAS. The Korean hates the inanely twisted plot lines; identical faces enabled by plastic surgery; sub-par acting; and so many other reasons. The Korean will never understand people’s obsession with them. Never. Not ever.

But the Korean promised to answer any question, and he is a man of his word. So here it goes.

Dear Korean,

I have several questions regarding Korean family rules, legal matters and behaviors . . .

Regarding marriage:

Regarding the Korean TV Show, Daughters-In-Law why is the Yi family up in arms over Yi Boknam's relationship with Inu who is Boknam's brother-in-law by marriage? Is dating taboo between in-laws in Korea: i.e., especially when Boknam's brother, Yi Boksu married Inu's sister, Minji?

I just do not understand what the fuss is about between two Korean people not related by blood, but only related by marriage. Why do Korean families get heart attacks over this type of relationship and why is this considered unacceptable marriage?

To be sure, dating in-law is certainly not against Korean law, nor is it necessarily against Korean custom. There is in fact a historical precedent, when King Taejong of Shilla Dynasty was married to a sister of Gim Yushin, his lord chamberlain. In turn, Gim Yushin married Taejong’s sister, i.e. his sister-in-law. However, for most older (=very conservative) Koreans, relation by marriage is relation nonetheless. The in-laws have a certain obligation of respect toward each other, and a romantic relationship definitely flies in the face of that obligation.

But the drama (like all Korean dramas) probably overstated the conflict. A quick Internet search on the topic reveals that in this day and age, Korean people do not really care whether someone dates his or her in-law.

Why is it so vulgar or uncouth to show affection to your spouse such as kissing your spouse good-bye at the front door outside the bedroom as in the TV Show, Likeable Or Not?

Traditionally for male Koreans under 50, any show of affection is vulgar. It compromises the male authority to put himself in a position to be dictated by the actions of a subordinate, namely women and children. Korean culture apologists would say love is implied, without the physical gesture. The Korean’s opinion is that there was in fact little love in a traditional Korean marriage.

Although such is no longer the case in modern Korea, kissing is still considered a bit too racy to be done in public. However, this is changing very rapidly, and you can very easily see younger married couple exchanging pecks at the front door.

Why do Kings in the TV Show, Six Martyred Ministers get to choose their own spouses through a courtesan line-up when a typical Korean family tradition rules the parents must choose the spouse for their sons and daughters? Is a King above the Korean traditional custom alleviating the need for the Mother Queen to choose the King's spouse?

Are you kidding? He is the king! He is the living dragon! The king gets to do anything he damn well pleases, and that includes defying his parents. Also, the rule that parents choose their children’s spouses is not strictly enforced, not even in the most traditional times in Korea. It is more of a trend than a rule.

(By the way, Six Martyred Ministers was the first TV series in which TV studios from North Korea and South Korea collaborated.)

Is it against Korean Law to date or see a married individual on a constant basis despite the fact the other individual had no prior knowledge the person whom they were dating is married?

No. However, it would be against the law for the married person to have a sexual relationship with a person other than the spouse. Korean laws of adultery are arcane and complex. Therefore, it is the favorite weapon of cuckold husbands and jilted wives, who do not hesitate to exaggerate and lie about the reach of the law. The adultery law itself is a subject of a heated debate; there are currently three pending cases in the Constitutional Court of Korea asking to declare the law unconstitutional.

Regarding family registry documentation:

In the TV Show, Ajumma the divorced husband goes to the marriage clerk's office with both his officiating stamp and his ex-wife's stamp to enter into remarrying his ex-wife. Why isn't it necessary for both parties to be physically present in Korea when officiating marriage documentation before the marriage clerk?

Also, while the ex-husband is at the marriage clerk's office, why at the last second is the ex-wife notified by phone about the re-marriage certificate when the ex-wife should have been present initially? Why is a verbal phone call accepted by the marriage clerk accepting or declining the remarriage certificate as legally acceptable documentation?

The key is the “officiating stamp”. Instead of a signature, Koreans use an officiating stamp to show the legal effect of a document. The stamp is usually a person’s name in calligraphic Chinese characters. Each Korean adult MUST have an officiating stamp, and the shape of each stamp is filed in the government records.

For many legal instruments in Korea, the presence of the person is not required, because each person is assumed to have an exclusive control over his or her officiating stamp. In other words, your officiating stamp is a portable power-of-attorney; you are supposed to guard it with extreme care. In the Korean Parents’ case, the stamp is securely placed in the Bag-To-Be-Taken-Out-First-In-Case-Of-A-Fire.

Of course, it is entirely possible for someone to steal the stamp and misuse it. Legal actions are required to rectify the damage in such a case. It’s not much different from being on the hook for a loan because someone forged your signature.

Whereas in Happy Woman why isn't both mother and father present during family registry documentation registration at the clerk's office when adding or removing a child from a family registry?

That part is just incorrect. Adding or removing a child from family registry requires litigation before the court; it cannot be done at the clerk’s office.

Is it legal in Korean Law for a grandparent to abscond a grandchild living with the mother without legal documentation and force the child to live with the grandparents?

Yes. If there is no documentation, technically the birth mother has no legal relation to the child. Then the child belongs to the next of kin, which may be his or her grandparents. Of course, under the current system of family registration, the mother would always have documentation; if she does not, creating documentation is a simple matter.

However, in the bad old days when women could not be a “head of household” for family registration purposes, the following scenario would force the woman into a legal non-relation with her child:

Father has an illegitimate Child with Mother. Child is registered under Father’s registry; however, Mother raises Child, having little contact with Father. Father dies. (Paternal) Grandfather assumes Father’s registry, thereby assuming the relation with Child. In this case, Mother has no legal relation with Child, and Grandfather is Child’s next-of-kin. Therefore, Grandfather would be the only legal guardian for Child.

But please note that this no longer happens. Mother is now allowed to have her own registry; she would simply put Child under her registry, and no more complications.

Asking for forgiveness:

Is it mandatory to fervently rub your hands together asking for forgiveness? What happens if you do not make this physically dramatic gesture when begging for forgiveness? Why is it not necessary to rub your hands together when you say you are sorry? What is the difference between sorry and asking for forgiveness? Should being sorry be the same as asking for forgiveness?

No, it is not mandatory. It is an old gesture that is not really done anymore. But far be it from Korean dramas to conform to reality. Also, saying sorry and asking for forgiveness are two different things in Korean language – the difference is a matter of degree. You say sorry when you stepped on someone’s foot; you beg for forgiveness if you damaged someone’s valuable heirloom or worse. In the latter instance, you literally beg by rubbing your hands. But again, such gesture is rarely done in modern Korea, except in drastic and dramatic situations.

Grandmother as Matriarch in Family:

Daughters-In-Law depicts the Yi's Grandmother as the true head of the Yi household. Why is the Grandmother the matriarch of the family rather than the Grandmother's son, Yi Suggil, not the Patriarch of the Yi family? Why does the Grandmother have the last say in the Yi family and why is the entire Yi family fearful of Grandmother?

Shirley, it’s a goddamn drama. People always make the mistake of attributing culture to an exotic population’s every behavior, when in fact they act mostly according to the same principles that govern our own behavior. Family power structure entirely depends on the particular family. The cultural norms of favoring males and old people are valid forms of power within a Korean family, but so is money and social status.

For example, the Korean Father’s family consists of father (before he passed last year at the age of 92), mother, three sons and two daughters, with the Korean Father being the middle son. If custom is followed strictly, father would have the most say, then the first-born son, second son, third son, followed by mother, then daughters.

However, because father (=the Korean Grandfather) was a wastrel who pissed his life away, he had almost no say in the family matters. The Korean Father, the youngest son, and the youngest daughter had the most power in the family because they turned out to be the wealthiest. In fact, this situation would have made a fine Korean drama, because there was a constant struggle between father and the oldest son (who had to support his parents according to his duty) on one side and younger sons and daughter on the other side.

Discipline:

Why is there an excessive amount of yelling and hitting in the families I see on Korean TV Shows? Is hitting and yelling considered normal in a Korean family's behavior?

No and yes. One big reason why the Korean hates Korean dramas is because there is excessive yelling that hurts the Korean’s ears. The amount of yelling and hitting shown in Korean dramas is usually reserved for a truly dysfunctional family – but there is no shortage of yelling and hitting within any dysfunctional family in the world.

In addition, this is what the Korean previously wrote about yelling in Korean dramas:

“Characters in Korean dramas yell for the same reason characters in Bollywood movies sing - it's a cheap way to convey emotional content without relying on sophisticated dialogues or acting. Not that all Korean producers and actors are incapable of using such things: many Korean movies excel in conveying emotion through the subtlest subtleties. But Korean dramas appeal to, shall we say, a less sophisticated audience. The Korean has a feeling that this may change at some point: there has got to be a market in Korea for artfully made television series, like Six Feet Under or Friday Night Lights in the U.S. But as long as there will be ajummas who sit on their asses doing nothing but watching dramas in Korea, there will be yelling in Korean dramas.”

However, there is definitely more yelling and hitting in an average Korean family compared to an average American family, although the amount of yelling and hitting hardly reaches the level displayed in Korean dramas.

Why more yelling? Contrary to popular images of calm, stoic Asians, Koreans are very liberal with their emotion, especially when it comes to excitement and anger. Both emotions are conducive to a lot of yelling. Also, physical discipline is commonplace in Korea, from very young age. So it is very normal see physical discipline extend to older age. In fact, the Korean thinks Americans are made soft because they shy away from physical discipline.

Are we done now? Thank God. Stupid dramas.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

April Fools!

Boy, did the Korean have fun writing that post.

David Bryant is NOT the Korean; as a Lakers fan, the Korean imagined what he would be like if he were a step-brother of Kobe Bryant. In fact, the picture is a result of a Google image search under "David Bryant". The Korean is definitely an ethnic Korean, born and raised by ethnic Korean parents who can trace their ancestry to the beginning of Korean history. In fact, this blog had numerous references to that fact, which commentor Elena pointed out. Can't believe she felt that those posts were fake, and not the post on April 1. :)

The rest is also straight up April 1 material. Unfortunately, no book deal is forthcoming... yet. The Korean also caused a minor ruckus with the good people at Time Out New York magazine, who sent the following panicky email:

Hello David,

Your blog says that you are a staff writer at TONY.

Please advise.

[NAME REDACTED]

--
[NAME REDACTED]
[POSITION REDACTED]
Time Out New York
475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor
NYC, NY 10018

Lastly, the Korean will never get tired of speaking in the third person. So there.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Korean Revealed

Dear Readers,

Today marks a momentous day -- the Korean will step out of his anonymity, in anticipation of his upcoming book deal with Random House.

My name is David Bryant. As you might have guessed from my name, I am actually not an ethnic Korean. From the looks, I look about as white as any corn-fed Midwestern boy. However, I did spend most of my life in Korea. I was born in Camp Humphries in Pyeongtaek, near Seoul, and went up to one year of high school in Korea. After attending college and journalism school, I am currently a staff writer for Time Out New York magazine. Here is a not-particularly-flattering picture of me at a Museum of Confederacy in Huntsville, Alabama.

But onto the good news! Thanks to all of your support, Ask A Korean! is going off-line and onto a collection of paper. We just finalized a book deal with Random House, and the book is due to hit the stores at the end of the year. I gotta say, it's nice to have a dream come true. It is also nice to not speak like a dumb pro wrestler by staying in the third person voice all the time. I was getting really tired to writing "the Korean's" when I really wanted to just say "my".

Once again, thank you all for reading. It could not have happened without you guys.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.