Merry Christmas everyone!

Korea has a new president for the next five years: New York Times article

Ask A Korean! News: Violation of Rules 1, 2, and 3 of Fight Club

The Korean has not been talking much about it, but South Korean presidential election is actually just four days away. And whenever the presidential election is near, we have news like this -- suffice it to say that it involves a chainsaw and beating with a phone.

First, just a little bit of background. There are three major candicates in this contest: Lee Myeong-bak from Grand National Party (GNP), Jeong Dong-yeong from New Democratic Party (NDP), and independent candidate Lee Hoi-chang. A lot of Mr. Jeong's hopes rode on an investigation against Mr. M. Lee on a possible corruption charge. Unfortunately for Mr. Jeong, the national prosecutor's office of Korea (equivalent to Department of Justice in the U.S.) last week announced that Mr. Lee had no involvement in the corruption scheme.

Dismayed, Mr. Jeong mobilized his party to submit a bill to impeach the prosecutor in charge of that case, essentially arguing that there must have been some type of collusion between the prosecutor and Mr. Lee. However, the bill was pressed for time, given that it has to start before the presidential election. Uri Party did have the majority in the National Assembly (=Congress in the U.S., except there is only one house), but GNP minority was none to happy about the bill
, and vowed to stop it. And so follows the story....

(The Korean's note: the following is a direct translation from this article on Dong-A Ilbo, except for parenthetical comments. On the link, you can also see some awesome videos as well.)

Although roughly 100 of GNP Assemblymen, occupying the Main Chamber of the National Assembly, locked the door from inside, at approximately 5:20 p.m. roughly 100 of the NDP Assemblymen stormed the Main Chamber and took over the chairman's seat in 45 minutes.
....

At 5:20 p.m. this day, upon orders by Chairman Lim, deputies of National Assembly cut the steel wire that held the inside door knob with a chainsaw. As the Main Chamber doors opened, NDP Assemblymen rushed toward the chairman's seat occupied by GNP Assemblymen. (Steel wire! Chainsaw! Ladies and gentlemen, the National Assembly of Korea -- just as screwed up as U.S. Congress, but a whole lot more entertaining!)

NDP Asm. Seon Byeong-ryeol ran toward the podium and choked GNP Asm. Jeong Du-eon, and Asm. Jeong Bong-ju attempted to jump on the chairman's seat but pushed out by GNP Assemblymen's defense. (Defense! uh uh defense!) One NDP Assemblyman slapped Asm. Bak Gye-dong, causing him to fall off the podium. Asm. Bak chased after the NDP Assemblyman, but was blocked by NDP Assemblymen and failed to exact his revenge. (Way to protect your slap-back!)

NDP Assemblymen yelled "Come down you [expletive]," and GNP Assemblymen did not back down, responding "Apologize to the people." Both sides pushed and shoved, trying to occupy the chairman's seat. Asm. Seo Gap-wo was poked in the eye by Asm. Sim Jae-cheol during the pushing and shoving. (There is no holding back people!)

Around 5: 50, the defensive line began to crumble as Asm. Gang Gi-jeong hit Assemblymen Choe Gu-sik and Gim Yeong-suk, who were guarding the right side of the podium, several times with a phone, and as Asm. Jeong Bong-ju jumped on top of GNP Assemblymen. (The phone! The defense's only weakness -- how did he know? Also, note that Gim Yeong-suk is a woman. There truly is no holding back.)

Asm. Jeong Bong-ju was trying to push out Asm. Sim Jae-cheol, but was pushed by Asm. Sim's cane, which he carries to assist his walking. (The cripple did it! Get the cripple!) Despite Asm. Sim's resistance, Asm. Jeong pulled him out, and also pulled out Spokesman Na Gyeong-won, who was also guarding the chairman's seat.

Finally, NDP occupied the chairman's seat 45 minutes after the entrance to the Main Hall. At that time, as Minority Leader An Sang-su relayed the message by Chairman Lim to both parties' leaders, "Judiciary Committee shall deliberate on [the bill] until [Decenber] 17th," GNP Assemblymen retreated from the chairman's seat.

Asm. Cha Myeong-jin, who was guarding the podium, was carried to a nearby hospital's emergency room, as he hurt his back while being thrown down by NDP Assemblymen. However, NDP Spokesman Choe Jae-seong said "Asm. Cha fell because GDP Assemblymen pushed him" in a briefing shortly after the occupation of the chairman's seat.

In addition, GNP Asm. An Hong-jun was injured when Asm. Jeong Bong-ju bit his finger (Looks like Mr. Jeong was the top gun), and Asm. Ju Seong-yeong was treated at a hospital for chest injury. Asm. Gang Gi-jeong also received hospital treatment after suffering bruises on his neck. (Oh no! I had those two in my fantasy Korean Assemblymen Fight League!)

Previously on this day, Minority Leader An and other 100-odd GNP Assemblymen occupied the Main Hall and locked the door with a steel wire. They also piled on furniture in front of the door, blocking the entrance.

Majority Leader Gim Hyo-seok and other 100-odd NDP Assemblymen protested in front of the main entrance as they attempted to enter main hall since 2 p.m., when they decided to open the Assembly. By their side, GNP staffer heckled them by singing "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, good bye~"

(Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Guide to Year-End Gift-Giving Period

Dear Korean,

My boss is Korean. He, along with his wife and family, owns many formal/bridal dress shops. They fluently speak Korean and are very religious and proud. My co-workers and I are having an extremely hard time coming up with a Christmas gift for him/his family. Any suggestions?

Laura

Dear Laura,

The Korean would like to note that your email arrived on Nov. 16, before Thanksgiving! For God’s sake, can people just wait until Thanksgiving to start thinking about gift giving? What’s the rush? Right about now is a good time to think about it, so the Korean waited until now.

(Of course, now is also a time where the Korean has a little bit of break from work as well.)

The Korean will go a little off-tangent here: The Korean does not take kindly to all this “Happy Holidays” thing. It’s not because the Korean is a psycho “Christian” who thinks “Merry Christmas” is the only possible year-end greeting. It’s because thanks to Christmas, which involves gift-giving, people are forced to dig up relatively obscure holidays (e.g. Chanukah) or make one up (e.g. Kwanzaa) in order to join in the commercialism without being involved with the Christian faith.

Truth is, virtually every culture (on the Northern Hemisphere) has a year-end celebration, and Christmas is just one of them. Why does every culture have a year-end celebration? It’s the winter solstice! The sun is the most vital source of life before the advent of electricity, so the shortest-sunlight-day was very significant. Koreans are not an exception either. Winter solstice for Koreans is called dongji, and Koreans celebrate it by having red bean porridge (patjuk), because the color red repels evil spirits that occupy the long night. So tracking the day’s length, Jesus happened to be born near winter solstice and resurrected near spring equinox – how convenient is that?

Just like dongji is a relatively obscure holiday for Koreans, so was Chanukah for Jews. The most important Jewish is NOT Chanukah – it’s Yom Kippur, in which a year’s worth of sin is atoned in one day. (Or as Jon Stewart puts it, “the best deal in all of religion.” Note that Yom Kippur generally falls around autumn equinox too.) Chanukah only gets the attention it currently gets because it happens to fall about the same time as Christmas – start getting them gifts!

The Korean is sick of learning the names of 25 different winter holidays, not because the Korean doesn’t care about other culture – quite the opposite is true – but because those holidays are relatively unimportant in any given culture, and are only dug out of obscurity so that we can step away from Christianity while buying into one true religion of America – Commercialism. This actually stops people from learning different cultures – the Korean would wager that Chanukah is the only Jewish holiday that many folks know, while Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah dwarf Chanukah in terms of their relative importance. So from now on, the Korean will call this holiday season thusly: the “Year-End Gift-Giving Period”.

Okay, tangent over. What is to be given to Koreans in the 2007 YEGGP? First of all, there is no set Korean gift for YEGGP. (In fact, there is no set Korean gift for ANY occasion, except maybe for a gold ring for a baby’s first birthday, seaweed soup on birthdays, and a large party on the 60^th birthday. Please stop asking the Korean questions like “What do Koreans give each other for birthday/Valentine’s Day/anniversary/etc.?”)

Actually, middle-aged Korean men are very difficult to give gifts to – even Koreans themselves (usually the children of these men) have a lot of trouble buying gifts. There is one universal hobby for all Korean men – drinking. So a very common gift for Korean men is fine wine or scotch, because Koreans simply love scotch. But Laura’s boss might be the devout Christian type who may not drink, so that might not be good. Golfing is a very common hobby for Korean Americans, so something golf-related is a solid gift as well. Other good generic gift ideas are usually good for Koreans as well – that may include sweaters, tie, gift cards, and so on.

Anyone have a better idea? Please tell the Korean. He still needs to do his Year-End Gift-Giving Period shopping for everyone.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.